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José Mourinho, who is 57 years old
LES GRANDES ÉQUIPES, THE CHAMPIONNNS (OF NORTH LDN)
During a Zoom press conference last Friday, Séamus Coleman was asked about Everton’s latest false dawn and the Merseyside club’s captain put it down to mindset: that tonight’s match at Tottenham is the kind of game he and his team-mates should turn up for thinking they will win. In good news for Séamus and his team-mates, such is the current mindset of their opponents that tonight’s match in north London is almost certainly one Tottenham’s players also think Everton will win. Having been routinely thrown under the bus by their completely blameless manager in the wake of last week’s feeble surrender at Bramall Lane, Harry Kane and chums will have listened and read with interest as José Mourinho doubled down when it came to dishing out blame to everyone involved in that particular defeat except himself.
Related: Why are there so few British Asian footballers at professional clubs? | Sean Ingle
“‘You have to be ready to cope with negative moments and go to the last minute,” said the man whose players have been coping with little else but negativity since the day he took charge. “Now I know more the profile of my players. I felt it. I feared that in the second half we wouldn’t be strong enough to cope. That is something that disturbs me. It’s something that I feel ... I dunno, that’s my way of being.” Overcome with the kind of ennui that £15m per year can just about buy, José continued to probe the depths of his own soul: “It’s something that destroys me a little bit on the inside, that feeling when you should do more.”
While the Fiver thinks he was wistfully referring to his players rather than his three most recent spells in management, we’re happy to stand corrected.
Feeling smug on the back of three consecutive victories, Arsenal weren’t backwards in coming forward when it came to riffing, be-bopping and scatting all over their rivals’ current pain. Following Tottenham’s defeat at the hands of Sheffield United, those banterific wiseacres on the Arsenal social media team put highlights of their own less than emphatic recent win over the Blades, with an accompanying caption that read “It’s not easy beating Sheffield United at Bramall Lane”. Having initially drawn criticism for their mildly amusing dig from people with no sense of humour, they soon drew more criticism for their mildly amusing dig from a person with no sense of humour.
“I think if they were top of the league or fighting for the top four in a really good moment, they wouldn’t enjoy the problems of others,” sniffed Mourinho, who is 57 years old. “They don’t have much to celebrate, they have to get every opportunity to do it. They are in a very similar situation to us in the table. To be the champion of north London means nothing for me because I think you have to be much bigger than that and have much more ambitions than that.” Should Tottenham beat Everton tonight, they will be in an even more similar position to Arsenal in the table, albeit still behind them in the race to be champion of north London.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENING
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Mick Hucknall also turned up quite often because he was quite pally with Sir Alex. We all found out why the band was called Simply Red. He came away with us once for a European game, on the bus, and even warmed up on the pitch at training the night before doing a shooting drill. He was a genuine fella” – Paul Parker speaks of Manchester United, Italia 90, his friendship with David Rocastle and the horrific racism he faced in the latest interview in our 90s Footballers series.
FIVER LETTERS
““According to the formula outlined in Friday’s Fiver, Southampton are now PL Champions. Only if their next defeat is against Liverpool, will the equilibrium of the universe be restored” – Robert Blanchard.
“The ersatz crowd chanting dubbed onto current broadcast games sorely lacks realism, self-depreciation and novelty. Given pre-lockdown’s precise observances of celebration, remembrance and early stadium departure, each home club should be granted chosen minutes to pipe in a chorus of ‘Hey Macarena’, a dirge of solemn applause and an internet disconnection of virtual fans to make the experience more authentic” – Steve Gaw.
“Regarding Noble Francis’s Yazoo letter - does the Fiver seriously have younger readers? I thought all readers were senile, laughless and a bunch of moaners. Those young readers need to get a life and switch to Tik Tok or Twitter or that Facebooky thing” – Marc Meldrum.
“Vince Clarke was much better when he was in Depeche Mode. A tortured, self doubting, ironic band who never achieved the same levels of perfection after their genius left them. They should sponsor the Arsenal” – Joe Mercer.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Steve Gaw.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Nemanja Matic, 42, has penned a fresh three-year deal with the rejuvenated Manchester United. “I am very happy that I will continue to be part of this great club,” he hummed.
The good news just keeps on coming at Old Trafford, where Marcus Rashford says he feels “blessed” to be fit again after a back injury, and has called his protege, Mason Greenwood, “a fantastic player”.
Related: European roundup: Barcelona find top gear against Villarreal to stay in title race
Bringing up a United news hat-trick, Keith Gillespie has revealed that Sir Alex Ferguson, acting as his Mr 15%, secured him a hefty pay rise when he joined Newcastle from Old Trafford, from £230 a week to a cool £1,200.
Zinedine Zidane hit back at suggestions Real Madrid have benefited from refereeing decisions in recent games. “We deserve more respect for what we are doing and I’m tired of people saying we are winning because of referees,” whined the Frenchman after a Sergio Ramos penalty secured a 1-0 victory for the second consecutive game.
The Scottish Premiership will spring into life on 2 August, it was announced on Monday, as the Queen’s Celtic take aim at their 10th title in a row. “Hopefully we may get permission to get the punters in through the door, which would be fantastic,” enthused Hoops manager Neil Lennon.
STILL WANT MORE?
It’s Sid Lowe on Sergio Ramos.
A club in Lesotho have made headlines across the world by becoming the first top-flight outfit to fund their men’s and women’s team equally. Suzy Wrack heard why they decided to send a “powerful message”.
Ben Fisher spoke to Southampton’s Jack Stephens about playing the guitar and his Maldini-based nickname.
Why are there still so few British Asian footballers? Sean Ingle has done some digging.
Lazio’s title dreams are tatters – and it is their legs, not their heads, that have failed them. Nicky Bandini on the Biancocelesti’s heroic failure.
And former Chelsea midfielder Dean Furman hopes to inspire aspiring Jewish players on his return from South Africa. He spoke to Jacob Steinberg.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
