MLB Power Rankings: There's no stopping the Houston Astros

MLB columnist
Yahoo Sports

Because Mr. Met had a moment, it’s important to understand none of us is perfect.

The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):

1. Houston Astros (42-18; Previous: 1): Orbit leaves the toilet seat up.

2. Washington Nationals (37-21; Previous: 2): Teddy once got shot in the chest. Still no excuse for race results.

3. Los Angeles Dodgers (36-25; Previous: 5): Mascots are beneath the Dodgers. So, apparently, are parades.

4. Colorado Rockies (38-23; Previous: 4): Dinger’s pants always seem to be at the cleaners.

5. New York Yankees (33-23; Previous: 3): Dandy, who served club from 1979-81, spends a little too much time these days at Foley’s.

6. Arizona Diamondbacks (36-25; Previous: 6): Baxter doesn’t clean up his claw clippings.

7. Boston Red Sox (32-26; Previous: 14): Wally ordered the hit on Machado.

8. Milwaukee Brewers (32-28; Previous: 8): Bernie is addicted to the adrenaline.

The <a class="link rapid-noclick-resp" href="/mlb/teams/chc/" data-ylk="slk:Chicago Cubs">Chicago Cubs</a> moved up three spots in this week’s MLB Power Rankings. (Getty Images)
The Chicago Cubs moved up three spots in this week’s MLB Power Rankings. (Getty Images)

9. Chicago Cubs (30-28; Previous: 12): Clark thinks maybe he’s got a drinking problem, but nothing he can’t handle.

10. Baltimore Orioles (31-26; Previous: 7): O’s still wondering why they paid all that money to marketing firm that came up with name for the Oriole bird: The Oriole Bird.

11. Minnesota Twins (29-26; Previous: 11): T.C. Bear keeps going through their ice chests.

12. Cleveland Indians (29-28; Previous: 10): Chief Wahoo is starting to feel self-conscious.

13. Detroit Tigers (29-29; Previous: 16): Right about the time Paws starting hanging around Rob Deer retired, just to be on the safe side.

14. Tampa Bay Rays (30-31; Previous: 15): When DJ Kitty says raise the roof, it’s usually because the litter box is full.

15. Seattle Mariners (30-30; Previous: 26): Moose keeps a wary eye on Tommy Hunter, Tyler Lyons and Randy Wolf.

16. Toronto Blue Jays (29-31; Previous: 24): When they close the roof, Ace keeps slamming into hotel windows.

17. Los Angeles Angels (30-32; Previous: 17): For a week after watching Planet of the Apes, Rally Monkey had all kinds of attitude.

18. St. Louis Cardinals (26-31; Previous: 13): Fredbird looks a lot like Woody Woodpecker, which he insists on taking as a compliment.

19. Pittsburgh Pirates (26-33; Previous: 20): Pirate Parrot secretly wants to take a ride on Edwin Encarnacion.

Texas stumbled again, dropping 11 spots in the rankings. (Getty Images)
Texas stumbled again, dropping 11 spots in the rankings. (Getty Images)

20. Texas Rangers (27-32; Previous: 9): Team dreads Captain’s night to cook. Oats-in-a-bucket is NOT a TV dinner.

21. Cincinnati Reds (28-30; Previous: 19): Mr. Red still shaken up over McCarthyism misunderstanding.

22. Chicago White Sox (25-32; Previous: 18): When you call him “crafty,” Southpaw knows what you’re really saying.

23. Miami Marlins (25-33; Previous: 29): On sushi night, Billy annoyingly walks the clubhouse shouting, “Mom?!”

24. Atlanta Braves (25-32; Previous: 22): Homer the Brave always dreamed of life in the ‘burbs, kinda misses the club scene though.

25. Oakland Athletics (26-33; Previous: 23): Stomper not a big fan of Disneyland. Park is fine, but that mascot …

26. Kansas City Royals (26-32; Previous: 27): You know Sluggerrr’s fancy crown? All product.

27. New York Mets (25-32; Previous: 25): Mr. Met just needs a little effin’ alone time.

28. San Francisco Giants (24-37; Previous: 21): Lou Seal green room rider includes: saltwater margaritas, mixed crustacean bowl, beach ball, set of circus horns.

29. San Diego Padres (23-37; Previous: 30): Friar doesn’t swing like he used to, but still likes a nice glass of after-dinner wine.

30. Philadelphia Phillies (21-36; Previous: 28): Phanatic a little self-conscious about cankles.

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