What’s more shocking? A Ronaldo and Neville reunion or Harry Maguire to start?

Man Utd captain Harry Maguire and Cristiano Ronaldo look frustrated Credit: Alamy
Man Utd captain Harry Maguire and Cristiano Ronaldo look frustrated Credit: Alamy

We’re into Day Three of Ronaldo and now he might be coached by a Neville! Plus, why are we all pretending that Harry Maguire playing would be a shock?

 

Talk of the Neville
What’s the very latest on Ronaldo and his ‘bombshell’ revelations?

‘Neville may coach Ronaldo in shock twist as Beckham wants him at Inter Miami.’

Oh talkSPORT, we are genuinely in awe. And that really is a ‘shock twist’.

 

New sensation
The story of course is about Phil Neville (see what they did there?), who is coach of David Beckham’s vanity project in Miami. The Sun would have us believe that it’s a ‘sensational’ turn of events that they are interested in Ronaldo. Guys, what would have been truly sensational is a lack of interest in Ronaldo. That would have been a genuine ‘shock twist’.

‘DAVID BECKHAM has made a sensational move to lure Cristiano Ronaldo to Inter Miami.’

Helpfully, The Sun have included a link to their story from early October which begins thus:

DAVID BECKHAM’S Inter Miami are lining up a sensational January window swoop for Cristiano Ronaldo.’

So six weeks after they ‘lined up a sensational swoop’, they have ‘made a sensational move’. Is this a new sensation or the old one?

But don’t you make the mistake of thinking that this is just a re-hash of that old story because there are new developments:

‘Owner Beckham has now spoken to Ronaldo’s representatives and been told he is interested in a switch Stateside.’

Of course he sodding is. He literally has no choice. Sensational.

 

Rash decision
But the real clicks are in pretending that Ronaldo’s Manchester United teammates have spoken out against Ronaldo. There’s gold in them there hills.

Of course, the kings of such pretence as Mirror Sport:

‘Marcus Rashford’s message explains Man Utd squad’s stance on Cristiano Ronaldo’

Has Marcus Rashford spoken out about Cristiano Ronaldo? Has he balls.

Has Marcus Rashford said anything about anybody at all since Cristiano Ronaldo gave his interview? Has he balls.

‘Marcus Rashford has underlined the unity in the Manchester United squad and the “big impact” Erik ten Hag has had – just days after Cristiano Ronaldo’s outburst at his manager and the club.’

We will fix that for you…

‘Marcus Rashford has underlined the unity in the Manchester United squad and the “big impact” Erik ten Hag has had – days before Cristiano Ronaldo’s criticism of his manager and the club.’

The change is small but pretty bloody important. Rashford has indeed ‘underlined the unity of the Manchester United squad’, but he did so in an interview conducted before he joined up with his England teammates for the World Cup, and thus before he knew that Ronaldo had said anything.

We’re not having ‘outburst’ by the way; that implies a lack of control and he knew exactly what he was doing.

 

Delicious

 

Very Maguire
Headline on the Daily Telegraph website: ‘Maguire in contention to start for England against Iran.’

Pesky fact: Only Harry Kane played more minutes for England in the Nations League campaign than Harry Maguire.

Do you really think he might be in contention?

 

Very, very Maguire
‘Gareth Southgate assures Harry Maguire that he will be a VITAL player for England at the World Cup in Qatar – despite the Manchester United defender coming under major scrutiny for his lack of games this season’ – MailOnline.

Just in case Maguire himself did not get the memo when he started all those England games.

He will be VITAL because he has been VITAL. Any chance we can all get used to that before MONDAY?

 

Very, very, very Maguire
Over in the Daily Mirror, John Cross goes further, describing Gareth Southgate keeping in semi-regular contact with Harry Maguire as the England manager setting up ‘his own “support line”‘ to Maguire.

That’s definitely not wildly over-dramatic (it is).

‘Southgate has made a point of being in touch on a regular basis with Maguire throughout his problems at Manchester United. And the England boss has even reassured Maguire that he would happily let him wear the armband if necessary as one of his trusted lieutenants on the pitch.’

He has ‘even’ reassured the actual Manchester United captain that he could be captain of the England team in the unlikely event that neither Harry Kane nor Raheem Sterling is on the pitch.

Next you will be telling us that he will ‘even’ let him go up for the odd corner.

 

Kylian me softly...
How about this for a sentence in the MailOnline‘s version of the ‘Mbappe to Manchester United’ nonsense…

‘The Frenchman has endured something of a tough season with Paris Saint Germain this term after signing a record-breaking contract during the summer to keep him at the club for a further three years.’

He has only scored 19 goals in 20 games; frankly, we’re embarrassed for him.

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