The New Mutants review: X-Men finale makes a cult classic out of mutant mess

Fox’s last X-Men movie is an unholy mess. Imagine the TV series Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, repurposed for fans of Deadpool and It. Still, to write this off as a botched job would be to miss the point. Out of the wreckage, a cult classic has been born.

Maisie Williams is splendiferous as Rahne, a nice, Scottish-Catholic teen, who befriends Native American Dani (Blu Hunt) in a mysterious facility run by an apparently kindly doctor (Alice Braga). We’re told, early on, that Rahne and Blu are mutants, but the film’s in no rush to discover their superpowers.

Instead, director/co-writer Josh Boone shows Rahne watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer (she likes the bit where Willow kisses Tara), and confessing in church, with a wholly authentic tremor, that she masturbates. The same-sex romance between Rahne and Dani never feels like a token gesture. Just as refreshing is the way Boone avoids giving either character a makeover with fancy costumes.

Nor are they fazed by the other, cooler, kids on the block, who include “crazy” Illyana (Anya Taylor-Joy; on great form), guilt-ridden Sam (Charlie Heaton; fitfully convincing as a lad from Kentucky), and “hot” Brazilian, Roberto (Henry Zaga; dull).

As demons start to stalk the corridors, there are some cracking jokes. Right down to a bloody boot, in the final seconds, The New Mutants positions itself as the bad-boy (or should that be bad-girl?) of the X-Men universe. Smart and forgiving minors will lap it up.