Not bad for a city that didn’t even have a Pizza Hut in 2010

NEWPORT STATE OF MIND (THEY COME FROM NEWPORT)

The global rap wars of 2009-10 were brutal. With the help of Alicia Keys, Jay-Z released Empire State of Mind, a hit that was quickly parodied by London-based actors Alex Warren and Terema Wainwright, who replaced all references to New York with assorted Welsh ones and enjoyed an internet smash hit with Newport State of Mind. Not to be outdone, local rappers Goldie Lookin’ Chain issued a slap-down of their own, releasing Newport State of Mind (You’re Not From Newport), in which they batted several of the original satirists’ references – Shirley Bassey, Gavin Henson, Craig Bellamy – back at them, pointing out that they appeared to be confusing Newport with Cardiff and Swansea.

In a bid to cement their Newport credentials, Maggot, Eggsy, Rhys and chums mentioned many of the local amenities and delicacies for which Newport has long been famous: Classy Cuts hairdressers, cheesy chips, the weekly quiz in Bailey’s pub, the X15 bus, local newspaper the Argus, the sports village and velodrome, a half-dozen McDonald’s drive-thrus, a branch of TK-Maxx, the local Premier Inn, medieval ships and discarded mattresses in skips. They also name-checked Rodney Parade, home of League Two side Newport County, who will attempt to further rubberstamp the city’s place in history when they take on Tottenham Hotspur in an FA Cup fourth round replay at Wembley on Wednesday night.

In arguably the match of the fourth round, Newport gave Spurs the fright of their lives before conceding a late equaliser in a muck-and-bullets Cup tie in the Rodney Parade bear-pit that the Premier League side’s players seemed to consider beneath them. The Welsh side feature an ex-convict and a former shelf-stacker, but are now without winger Sean Rigg, who left the club several days ago to focus on becoming a tattoo artist. As you do. “He’s a clever lad, but he just fell out of love with the game,” said Newport manager Michael Flynn, who has signed an improved deal at the club. “He was thinking of the future and this was the ideal time for him to go and chase his dream, which is to be a tattoo artist.”

While more than a few Newport fans will be queuing up outside Rigg’s parlour for souvenir ink in the event of one of the biggest FA Cup upsets of all time, should Newport prevail tonight, Flynn is more cautiously optimistic than confident of an upset about his side’s prospects up the M4. “I am hoping [Mauricio Pochettino] makes a few changes, but they should still have enough to turn us over,” he said. Whatever the outcome, Newport can at look forward to a windfall of up to £1m from their FA Cup escapades. Not bad for a city that up until 2010, according to Goldie Lookin’ Chain, didn’t even have a Pizza Hut. Google research by the Fiver reveals that it now has two; proof, if ever proof was needed by Newport County’s players and supporters, that even the most outlandish dreams can come true.

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Join Scott Murray from 7.45pm GMT for hot Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Newport County coverage.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

12 November 2011: “I do have big ­reservations about foreign ownership. Many do not ­understand English football. At Manchester City and the like, it may be good for the fans, but how long will it last? Will someone spit their dummy out?” – Wigan Athletic owner Dave Whelan – this Dave Whelan – makes his stance on foreign ownership clear.

7 February 2017: oh.

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FIVER LETTERS

“David Carr should forget a hypothetical ‘Bermuda Triangle’ (yesterday’s Fiver letters) near Leeds, and consider instead a real-world phenomenon – the Rhubarb Triangle. Originally between Leeds, Bradford and Wakefield, the area is famed for its forced rhubarb, a process that involves sticking it out in a field for a couple of years where it appears to do nothing, followed by freezing it out, then shutting it in a pitch black room to sweeten it up, and finally shipping it off to some distant market. If it wasn’t for the initial two-year timescale, I would say this is almost a perfect description of what happens to most managers up that way” – Tom Murray-Rust.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tom Murray-Rust.

THE RECAP

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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Alexis Sánchez has been sentenced to 16 months in Spanish chokey for tax fraud but won’t serve time because it is a first offence. “Despite having shown that Alexis has not committed any crime, we have been forced to accept the unfair pact offered,” parped Sánchez’s Mr 10%.

Free Agent’s Patrice Evra is now West Ham’s Patrice Evra after signing for the club following his fan-knack related Marseille exit.

Diving has always been part of the game, Mauricio Pochettino has said, waving an enormous red rag at several million phone-in bulls.

Kick it Out has expressed its alarm at a spike in reported incidents of abuse this season.

Loris Karius wants to be Liverpool’s No 1 goalkeeper despite knowing reinforcements in that area will be a-comin’ in the summer. “My head is right. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from last season and I feel good,” he tootled.

Thibaut Courtois will reopen contract talks with Chelsea, while also saying that his “heart lies in Madrid”, where his children live with their mum. “If Real is really interested, my personal situation could affect it yes,” he cooed.

And sub-editors were left pondering which of their VAR puns to reach for – Total VARCE? A step too VAR? So near, so VAR? VAR out? VAR from the Madding Crowd [Stop this – Fiver Ed.] – when a giant Boavista flag obscured the view of the video assistant during the Portuguese side’s 3-0 defeat to Aves, leaving officials no choice but to allow an offside goal.

STILL WANT MORE?

More than 4,417 miles to meet Thibaut Courtois. Meet the 10-year-old fan from Trinidad and Tobago almost nine-times more fervent than the Proclaimers, and how he got to meet his Chelsea idol.

“I’m the only candidate who has a track record where you can see I continue to push against the status quo,” says the goalkeeper Hope Solo in this interview with Matthew Hall about her bid to be elected as the US Soccer Federation’s chief suit.

Who will join champs-elect Manchester City in next season’s Big Cup? Our writers crunch the numbers, the form guides, the injuries and self-inflicted melodramas to make their informed predictions.

Nasty Leeds’ poaching of Paul Heckingbottom is a gamble for both parties, reckons Ben Fisher in his latest Football League blog.

“Articulate, intelligent, sensible and honest.” Not words that have ever been said of the Fiver, and not sufficiently said of Wayne Rooney either, says Sachin Nakrani, who was seriously impressed by Wazza’s punditry on Sky on Monday night.

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