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Folks Admitted Horrific Things Partners Do In Relationships, And It'll Make You Reevaluate Your Dating Standards

Recently, Reddit user u/cheekybubbles asked the community, "What is a 'point of no return' in a relationship?"

Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer snuggling in "Friends"
NBC

Welp, folks didn't hold anything back, and revealed some truly horrific things that are simply unforgivable in romantic relationships.

Jennifer Lopez on "American Idol," looking unimpressed
Fox

Like...some of these are GRUESOME. There's no coming back from any of these situations.

JoJo in her "Leave (Get Out)" music video, with caption "Get out, leave right now, it's the end of you and me"
Da Family / Blackground

So here are some truly awful things that feel impossible to recover from in romantic relationships:

Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic abuse and self-harm. Please proceed with caution.

1."When you've had the same argument about something important to you (but not important to them) over and over and over and over. You've tried everything — you've explained yourself a zillion times, asked to work around the problem, and asked for their acceptance despite their misunderstanding. None of it has worked. And then one day, you're having that same argument — but this time, you look at them and feel nothing. You don't feel angry, resentful, determined, or desperate for them to get it. You don't even feel drained. You just feel nothing, as if they were a stranger you saw walking on the other side of the street. And you think, Who is this? Why am I even having this conversation, and how do I get them out of my house?"

u/PearNoMore

"This. 100%. I dealt with this recently and just reached the point of being completely done. I'm so much happier now that they're not in my life."

u/Direct-Analyst8211

2."When either one of you tries to be objectively mean in hopes of hurting the other. There's no coming back from that, in my opinion."

u/Backpack_Bob

"Especially when they use something traumatic that you've shared because you trust them, and they frame it as 'your fault.' For example, saying something like, 'No wonder your parents hit you' or 'Now I understand why your ex used to self-harm while dating you."

u/aoi4eg

Rachel McAdams in "Mean Girls" looking stunned
Paramount Pictures

3."Perhaps cliché, but infidelity. Even if you decide to stay and work things out, your relationship is changed forever."

u/catseye00

"This is my red line. If you screw someone else, it's immediately over. I had my heart ripped out of my chest when I was young by a girl I was madly in love with, and it took me years to get over it.

"I now live by a one-strike-and-you're-out rule. No couples therapy, no pleading, no do-overs. I do not care what the explanation or justification is. Done.

"On the flip side, I would never cheat on my partner. Never planned to before my heart was ripped out, but especially now that I know how much it hurts."

u/NuclearLunchDectcted

4."When you and your partner have different beliefs about each other's worth and cannot agree. The subordinate partner can either demonstrate that they have a higher value than they are being treated as or they can leave. Most people choose to leave and then demonstrate their worth to another partner."

u/Horror-Collar-5277

"Usually when I see this happen, the partner who isn't treating the other person as if they are of value doesn't actually think the person is of lower value. They won't admit their value because they'd have to treat them better.

"And when the subordinate partner leaves the relationship to find someone who treats them with value, that person who is left behind starts changing their tune immediately."

u/Obv_Probv

5."When you can't trust them anymore. It's also likely not the same trust as before. Even if they express regret and do make all the changes, you now know what they are capable of. And while you can trust it won't happen again, there's now a place for late-night anxiety to creep in. Plus, no two loves are 100% the same."

u/Good-mood-curiosity

"Trust can be repaired, but it will never be as strong as the first time. There will always be fault lines...one good quake and it'll come toppling down."

u/absentmindedjwc

Selena Gomez in "Only Murders in the Building" with caption "I have trust issues"
Hulu

6."When they keep telling you what they need from you, and you promise to do it or stop doing it (whatever it is). But you don't follow through. After 200 times, the other person shuts down — they get cold toward you and decide that you do not respect them. They are already gone. You just don't know it."

u/EasyPeasy2U

7."Very desperately wanting to look in their phone. There can be many reasons, but once that starts and there's no communication to resolve that, then it's a wrap."

u/farrah_berra

"I tried explaining this to my little brother when he thought his ex was cheating on him. He didn't believe me when I told him the relationship was over.

"Soon after, he did go through her phone, and surprise, she was cheating on him. He lost it."

u/rallyracerdomingus

Will Smith on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" looking through a magnifying glass
NBC

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8."When you're in it for different reasons and have different definitions and expectations for a relationship. For example, you're in a relationship because you're in love with the person, while they're in it for the money, social image, children, and self-gratification. Another example is when a relationship for you is about monogamy, trust, and commitment, but they treat it as a temporary chapter or a polygamous thing, or whatever deal-breaker you cannot be on board with."

u/RinoTheBouncer

9."Constant anger and annoyance at things they do or the things you've asked them to change but they haven't. Then you're either constantly fighting or, even worse, you give up on the fighting and just stop caring at all. You don't do things for them, you don't kiss them goodbye before work, you don't hang out with them anymore. It's the death knell 99.9% of the time. For the other 0.1%, they have to work really, really hard to get the love and affection back."

u/p3ptodismal

10."The point of no return is when one party refuses to go to couples therapy. If they're that bad, you won't fix things alone — that's your only real shot. If you can't get there, it's pointless."

u/stacysdoteth

Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally..." sitting together and smiling
Columbia Pictures

11."For me, it's when they start showing you less and less affection unless y'all are getting it on. So many people have hurt me by doing this, and it shows how many people use you for your body. Now it's hard for me to let people in that way."

u/iStitch_mc

12."Impatient with the refusal to understand that you have a life, to the point where you get severe anxiety looking at your phone screen, in case you didn't text them about every breath you took."

u/Tolkleone_Sandwichu

13."When you or your partner genuinely no longer cares about the other person's welfare. I read this in a book from a renowned psychiatrist. He stated that in his long career, he had never seen a couple rekindle a love that had grown this cold."

u/Sharpest_Edge84

Tyler James Williams on "Abbott Elementary" looking sad
ABC

14."When they tell me I have to choose between them and a friend (specifically when said friend has done nothing wrong)."

u/PermaBanTogether

15."For me, it was when my ex openly said that she could replace me if she wanted. I told her if she wasn't happy, then she was free to go. She got childishly upset because she expected me to fight for her, when she'd openly admitted that she viewed me as expendable and didn't understand why I was acting as if I didn't care."

u/foolishdrunk211

16.And finally, "When you start making excuses to not hang out with them. Like, at that point, you know the relationship is over. But the worst is when they haven't done anything that makes you feel okay hurting them. No matter how nicely you do it, dumping someone will hurt. And you may genuinely not want to hurt the person, even if you know it has run its course."

u/illini02

Catherine O'Hara in "Schitt's Creek" holding a cup and saying "I'm busy!"
Pop / CBC

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.