A potted history of footballers getting their c*cks out: Walker, Scholes, Van Gaal…
Some footballers haven’t been shy of exposing themselves in public, as these indecent examples involving Liverpool, Manchester United and Real Madrid players prove beyond any doubt.
Testosterone, plus alcohol and bravado has often proved an intoxicating cocktail that’s shortcircuited the brains of young men into pulling down their trousers and leaving little to the imagination.
We’ve identified 12 examples of footballers getting their cocks out for your NSFW-reading pleasure.
Forget politics and global warming, Walker’s wedding tackle was plastered all over the front page of The Sun after a boozy afternoon in Manchester.
The England defender had played in Manchester City’s 2-0 win over Newcastle in March 2023 before the team was given the next two days off by Pep Guardiola.
And a video on the newspaper’s website appeared to show Walker dropping his trousers in front of two women before engaging them in conversation.
While on holiday in Ayia Napa in 1994, an inebriated Hutchison hid his penis behind a Budweiser label. When a bystander’s snaps appeared in the tabloids, Liverpool manager Roy Evans declared: “If Hutchison is flashing his cock again that’s out of order.”
The former Scotland international had form. A year earlier, he had spotted female students videoing their graduation celebrations in a wine bar, unzipped his flies and announced, ‘Zoom in on this!’
After the Ayia Napa incident, he was fined £5,000, dropped and eventually sold to West Ham. His new team-mates christened him ‘Budweiser’.
It’s 2002 and the World Cup quarter-final between Germany and USA. With the States trailing, Beasley was awaiting his chance to change the game from the sub’s bench.
The only snag? He desperately needed a piss.
Beasley proceeded to urinate on the touchline, lifting up one of the legs of his shorts and letting the liquid simply flow out.
Incredible technique, but probably not the moment Beasley wanted to define his career.
Never forget when American football DaMarcus Beasley took a piss in front of 42,000 fans during the 2002 World Cup round of 16 match against Mexico pic.twitter.com/BgtZbpZNSE
(@MaxTHFC_) August 14, 2019
Gravesen was more than a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but he became a beloved cult hero at Everton and somehow ended up at Real Madrid.
The former midfielder loved putting his teammates in a headlock, and memorably brought paintball guns and fireworks to training.
And Gravesen was infamously photographed dangling his penis and testicles over the head of Claus Jensen during a training session with Denmark. Jensen was lying down on his stomach when Gravesen pounced.
He apologised in a press conference, while his ‘unworthy behaviour’ was criticised by manager Morten Olsen. Despite the embarrassment, he remained a key part of the national team.
Having helped Real Betis to their first major trophy in 17 years by netting in a penalty shoot-out victory over Valencia in last year’s Copa del Rey final, it is fair to say Joaquin was in a celebratory mood.
Having cemented his reputation as one of football’s greatest practical jokers by posing stark naked with the Copa he won with former club Valencia in 2008, the 40-year-old decided to grace Betis’ social media accounts with a recreation of that photo.
A Copa success might well be the most fitting end to Joaquin’s career. Those with a more nervous disposition will probably be hoping it’s the last trophy of his career.
READ: 7 reasons you should love Joaquin, the Betis cult hero still going at 41
Footballers’ Christmas parties are notorious for fancy dress, fisticuffs and grown men failing to resist the urge to expose themselves in public.
West Ham’s 2001 bash was a classic of its genre, with defender Hayden Foxe urinating against the bar of a London nightclub.
“There were no fights or yelling of abuse or anything,” he said. “What I did was wrong and got blown right out of proportion as if it was a huge, huge event.
“You do have a few drinks at your Christmas party – and I’m not saying that to promote drinking, but it was a case of the lads enjoying themselves.
“Some people are taking it light-heartedly and some are taking it the other way. I can’t turn back the clock even though it’s something I’m definitely not proud of.”
He left the Hammers at the end of the 2001-02 season.
Let’s get it straight, Scholes didn’t whip his shorts off during the 1996 FA Cup final and wave his tackle at the Royal Box.
But pictures of his exposed penis that afternoon are widely available on the internet. We’ve been told…
Similar to Scholes, Beardsley was pictured hanging free during a European Championship match against the Netherlands.
We should really credit Frank Rijkaard with an assist here.
Ex-Borussia Monchengladbach and Augsburg striker Bobadilla caused controversy while playing for Guarani in his native Paraguay.
One match-winning strike got him all and bothered as he celebrated by ripping off his shirt and GPS vest before lowering his shorts.
The referee took no action at the time – but social media images later showed the Paraguay international had exposed part of his penis.
He tried to laugh it off afterwards, saying: “I regret my celebration. I hope my wife didn’t see it. She should remain calm. It’s all for her.”
The Paraguayan FA took a dimmer view and investigated the incident, although stopped short of banning him.
There are underhand tactics and there’s flashing your penis in the middle of a match to distract the opposition from scoring a goal.
Santa Fe defender Perera went viral last October for his wild attempt to defend a free kick from a Jaguares de Cordoba player. As the attacker lined up to take a free kick, Perera was captured pulling down his shorts to show off his manhood.
Luckily for Perera, the referee didn’t notice and the free-kick was missed. But we can’t help thinking it was the footballing equivalent of using a machine gun to crack a walnut.
Barthez was a relentless peculiar goalkeeper and thought nothing of taking a leek during a UEFA Cup game for Marseille.
Stories abound that the World Cup winner casually watered the pitch against Inter Milan in 2004 with the ball in play and 60,000 people at the Stade Velodrome.
One spectator said: “I don’t think anyone noticed at the time because we were all watching Marseille attacking at the other end.”
In a bizarre twist, the unprecedented story emerged days later during a French radio show hosted by Robert Pires.
A female phone-in caller asked Pires if he had heard the rumour about Barthez relieving himself during the Inter Milan game.
Pires, laughing, said: “A lot of people have spoken to me about it but I haven’t seen the picture.
“I must say it has never happened to me. I have a pee before the game!”
Louis van Gaal
Okay, strictly speaking Van Gaal was a manager rather than a player at the time but we’re including this one because it’s classic Van Gaal.
“The coach wanted to make it clear to us that he can replace any player no matter what his name is, because he has balls,” the great Luca Toni recalled from his time at Bayern Munich.
“To demonstrate this, he dropped his pants. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, it was totally crazy.
“But I didn’t see much. I wasn’t sitting in the front row.”
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