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Premier League Christmas HOT or NOT: Giroud rescues Arsenal, Carroll on song, Zaha fights insect

What’s sexy, and what isn’t, in football this Christmas…

HOT

Olivier Giroud
He may have only scored four goals for Arsenal this season, but without them the Gunners would be languishing in mid-table. Following his match-winning brace at Sunderland and his last-minute equaliser against Manchester United, the Frenchman popped with another game-changing strike when his majestic 86th-minute header broke West Brom’s resistance to earn a 1-0 win at the Emirates. That means he has now scored four more league goals than Lucas Perez, the man who was supposedly brought in to replace him. Giroud is often maligned, but he is currently keeping Arsenal in the title race… just.

Adam Nunn
The linesman’s decision to overlook Henrikh Mkhitaryan’s clearly offside position as he scored a spectacular scorpion kick volley against Sunderland could go down as the best bad refereeing call in football history. Nunn would have been well within his rights to raise his flag as Zlatan Ibrahimovic sent in a cross, but the official quickly saw the bigger picture. With United already 2-0 up with a few minutes remaining, ruling out the goal would have made no difference to the result while depriving us from enjoying of one of the most beautiful moments of the season. Following a nasty 2016, and one day after the sad death of George Michael, the English people really needed that goal. Thank you linesman for your incompetence/wisdom (delete as appropriate).

Andy Carroll
“When he plays like this, he’s unplayable,” was the old line trotted out as the beefy West Ham striker continued his 726th comeback from injury by reminding us all that “there’s no one better at doing what Andy Carroll does in the country than Andy Carroll” and other familiar claims. If he can stay fit for another couple of games, the calls for an England call-up will doubtless follow. Carroll was impressive in the Hammers’ 4-1 win at Swansea though, terrorising the (admittedly fragile) opposition defence with his aerial dominance and getting on the scoresheet with a well-taken volley. When he plays like that, he’s unplayable.

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NOT

Wilfried Zaha
Despite another impressive display on the wing for Crystal Palace, Zaha ended the Eagles’ 1-1 draw with Watford in the most undignified manner imaginable – by getting into a fight with a big furry insect. After being booked for diving late in the match, Zaha was subsequently taunted at full-time by Watford mascot Harry the Hornet, who simulated a dive at the player’s feet. An angry Zaha then had to be lead down the tunnel. While his annoyance at the gesture was understandable, it was unfortunate in the sense that it made him look like a man has arguments with fictitious animal characters.

Victor Valdes
We’re not saying the Middlesbrough goalkeeper intentionally threw the ball into his own net as Andre Gray scored a late winner for Burnley; all we’re saying is that if he had been doing it on purpose, then it would have looked very similar to how it did look. A more likely explanation for the mistake is that, moments before Valdes allowed Gray’s volley to inexplicably squirm under his body, the former Barcelona star had a sudden realisation that he used to play for Barcelona and now he was in Burnley. Either way Gray, who had not scored since August and has been having a rough season all round, was very grateful.

Jamie Vardy
Parties in honour of the Leicester City legend reached a new low as thousands of people donned masks of the striker’s face and glumly watched a team without him in it succumb to a toothless home defeat by Everton. At one point during the strange festivities, Vardy put a mask of his face onto his own face, an unsettling moment which appeared to transmit to his team-mates, who performed badly. Foxes manager Claudio Ranieri tried to distance himself from the weirdness, claiming he “did not see” the masks, even though he was surrounded by 30,000 people wearing them. Worst of all, Vardy is suspended for another three matches, and you can guarantee some fans will bring those masks to the next game, especially if it’s cold.

@darlingkevin