Russian Grand Prix: The sweary one

So, comrades, who is the most popular figure in F1 if you’re a Russian?

Is it perhaps Daniel Kvyat, the home-grown F1 star making a name for himself as a panel beater for Sebastian Vettel? Nope.

Or is it that other Ferrari charioteer Kimi Raikkonen, whose modest way with words but impressive way with vodka may have helped bolster his reputation in the Russian motherland? Perhaps.

Or is it that darkest of sporting dark horses who always makes it on to the Sochi podium, who is a regular fixture in the podium ante-room and whose best motorsport buddy is Bernie Ecclestone? Yes, if the applause at yesterday’s Russian Grand Prix podium ceremony was anything to judge by, Russia’s F1 hero is definitely Vladimir Putin.

When he appeared with Ecclestone, as the end of the race neared, so many Russians moved to one end of the neighbouring stand it looked as if the whole thing might keel over and tip everyone into Bernie’s welcoming lap (only those with the correct VIP passes would be welcome, of course).

There was no such mishap but, on the circuit, there was no shortage of mishaps. Did they tell us anything?

It’s Effing 1, not F1

Yes, Sebastian Vettel came together again with Kvyat and, this time, there was no doubt who was to blame.

The mist that appeared to envelope Kvyat was as red as a Russian flag, as he hit Vettel twice in the opening corners, sending the German cursing out of the race.

Whoever was manning the F1 bleeper machine did a sterling job, as Vettel said: ‘Somebody hit me in the f***ing rear at turn two and then somebody hit me in the f***ing rear again in turn three.

‘Honestly, what the f*** are we doing here?’

I lost count of the number of F-bombs Seb dropped, but he showed a mighty grasp of colloquial English for a man born in Germany.

Later, while the race was still ongoing, Seb appeared on the Red Bull pit wall to have a quiet word with Kvyat’s boss, and his own former gaffer, Christian Horner.

It didn’t look like there was much swearing going on by this stage, but the message to Horner would have been clear – sort your man out.

By the time Vettel spoke to reporters, he was calm – an awful lot calmer than after his coming together with Kvyat a fortnight ago.

‘It was not my fault – there was nothing I would do differently. I don’t dislike him (Kvyat)… I think he did a mistake two weeks ago and I think he did a mistake today.’

Kvyat definitely made a mistake – and it’s a mistake that could cost him dearly, but more on that later.

F1’s other four-letter word: Luck

Hamilton’s had a bad run of luck this season. But he’s made plenty of it himself, particularly with some shoddy starts that dropped him back into trouble.

And so it came to pass that Hamilton’s power unit failed him in Q3 for this grand prix. Mind you, there are those who’ll say that was actually good luck ­– better to get into the top ten and then have an engine issue, rather than have the thing let go during the race itself.

And, because Hamilton started farther back, he avoided the mess of collisions that blighted the first lap; that almost counts as good luck.

Mid-race, as Hamilton was sitting in second and reeling in Rosberg, he got the message that there was a ‘water pressure issue’ with his car.

That counts as bad luck (or, if you’re a conspiracy theorist, it’s proof that Mercedes are out to cripple Lewis at all costs. Yeah, of course they are).

But Rosberg hit engine trouble too, and Merc boss Toto Wolff said he was happy that Rosberg actually made it to the end. See, Rosberg has bad luck too.

Mercedes engines showing vulnerability? Are Ferrari actually keeping them honest?

In qualifying, the Mercs were showing a speed advantage of up to a second in the first sector alone… these engines don’t know what real stress is.

Just one other thing: Rosberg, managing a dodgy engine, posted the fastest lap just a few minutes from the end. Does that seem a little foolhardy? Or was his engine problem not as serious as we’d been led to believe?

Rosberg said he kept going flat-out to help with his concentration. Get those tinfoil hats out and draw your own conclusions.

Don’t leave me this way

We’re only four races into the 2016 season and already it’s tempting to bet on some high-profile driver changes for 2017.

Kvyat is under pressure at Red Bull and his demolition-derby approach in Russia will have hurt his reputation in the Red Bull family.

Head honcho Dr Helmut Marco is not afraid to wield the axe and, while Daniel Ricciardo has managed to impress while keeping his nose clean, Kvyat definitely has his work cut out if he’s to remain a Red Bull driver.

Young Max Verstappen is hovering in the Red Bull wings, and every race that passes makes it more likely that he will be promoted from the Red Bull B-team, Toro Rosso, at the expense of Kvyat.

That other red team, well, scarlet, also have the feel of an outfit looking to make a change in their driver line-up.

Kimi Raikkonen may have managed another podium for Ferrari this weekend but his driving has been scrappy, and his qualifying disappointing.

Unfair as it may seem, Kimi’s third place is, by itself, not enough to help him cement another year with the Maranello outfit.

It’s harder to say who Ferrari would replace the popular Finn with but an early favourite is Romain Grosjean.

The French-Swiss driver is playing a blinder at F1 newbies Hass, and his eighth place in Russia won’t have hurt his chances.

Given that Hass are almost a Ferrari B-team, such is the amount of Ferrari kit they use, Grosjean could indeed find himself being sounded out for a move up to Ferrari in 2017 before many more races have passed.

Grosjean driving a Ferrari? Who said F1 was predictable?