We’ve all seen something while shopping that made us think, “Who on earth would buy that?!” Well, one bored store employee is attempting to answer that very question about the shoes that surround him (or her).
A user who goes by the name of Ghostify started an Imgur thread earlier this week titled “If the shoe fits.” The caption of the initial image is, “Got bored at work.” Since all of the images are of shoes and shoeboxes, it’s safe to say he works in some sort of shoe or department store. The hilarious employee is giving us a glimpse into the life of a potential shoe owner by imagining who would buy certain shoes. Apparently, your choice of shoe is a window to your soul (or should we say sole?). The storylines include everything from name and age to habits and interests.
Ghostify starts with a pair of Clarks leather loafers. The narrative begins: “Brad, 23. Degree in business, 2.7 GPA.” Sounds pretty accurate. “Lives for beer pong and ‘the chicks.’ Compares girlfriends to his exes, still pops his collar.” Who do we get the feeling Ghostify has dated “Brad”?
A pair of pink fuzzy Steve Madden slides would be purchased by someone with a name like Jewel, according to the shoe-teller. She’s 37 and a stay-at-home-mom, “although her kids are all moved out.” She has a soft spot for photo albums of her grandkids and Marlboro menthols, and goes to Olive Garden for fine dining. Sure, that could be right. Or, they could belong to Rihanna or North West.
Our favorite character might be the owner of a pair of strappy black Steve Madden stilettos. “Samantha, 20,” the description begins. “In college theatre to ‘express herself.’ Makes the poor sod trailing after her carry her shoes after she’s had too many vodka cranberries.”
We also have a soft spot for Veronica, the Pilates-loving mom who Ghostify thinks would buy a pair of mint green New Balance sneakers. The 32-year-old is on a “new diet every six months that ‘You have to try!’” She also only wears sports bras, which we have a feeling are also mint green.
Cue readers running to their closets to find their shoe identity and make sure it’s actually a match.
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