Social Media Influencer Says Our Jealousy Is Really Just Fear

Chinae Alexander might be the realest Influencer online. (Photo: Twitter/chinaealexander)
Chinae Alexander might be the realest Influencer online. (Photo: Twitter/chinaealexander)

Chinae Alexander is a Brooklyn-based wellness expert who shares her life to a following of over 130,000 people online. On her namesake Instagram account, she’s known for what she calls “badassery,” where she inspires people to think positively and actively pursue self-love and improvement.

Through a series of posts with the hashtag #bebetter, Alexander consistently speaks her truth in the hopes that it resonates with her followers. According to one of her latest posts, Alexander’s words are a saving grace to many people.

PLEASE READ: I wish I had a bigger apartment. Her husband is so much more thoughtful than mine. I bet they have better sex. A new car would be nice…nicer than what I have at least. Why can't I have a "cool" job? Wish I didn't have to work so hard. Maybe I should keep my options open even though the person I'm dating makes me happy? ‍♀️Maybe I should lose more weight. I wish I could be as disciplined as her. Or him. Or as in love as them. Look at her ankles, I wish mine looked like that. And on, and on, and on we go.✋ Never satisfied with what exists, always looking over the proverbial fence to the greener grass or nicer ass next door. On the surface JEALOUSY…but deeper down, FEAR. A deep, creeping kind that's thwarted by busy, but seeps in during those accidental quiet moments. ⚡️Like on a run when your headphones die… and you're left lonely, just fearful thoughts and heavy breath. Fear that we might not EVER be happy. Fear that we're missing out. Fear that we might get left behind. Or that the thing we love might not work out, leaving us crushed…so it would only make sense to crush it first. Ya know, just in case. 〰 If we continue to live in the purgatory of "what if" and "I wish"…we won't ever feel satisfied, I assure you that. 〰 Stop wishing for the life you want. Stop fearing that things won't work out for you. Stop looking over the fucking fence. Make magic with what you have. Learn stuff from people rather than be envious of them. Get over your desire for more material shit, it'll never make you happy. Love the one you have unless they are an asshole. In that case, screw them and don't fear being single. And stop worrying about your fucking ankles/thighs/weight/tits because they are just fine. #bebetter

A post shared by CHINAE ALEXANDER (@chinaealexander) on Jul 30, 2017 at 6:34am PDT


“PLEASE READ,” she often writes at the beginning of her posts, encouraging her followers to take a moment from skimming through their social feeds to actually read something that might make a difference. “I wish I had a bigger apartment. Her husband is so much more thoughtful than mine. I bet they have better sex. A new car would be nice…nicer than what I have at least. Why can’t I have a “cool” job?” she wrote in her Sunday post. “Never satisfied with what exists, always looking over the proverbial fence to the greener grass or nicer ass next door. On the surface JEALOUSY…but deeper down, FEAR.

“Stop wishing for the life you want. Stop fearing that things won’t work out for you. Stop looking over the fucking fence. Make magic with what you have. Learn stuff from people rather than be envious of them. Get over your desire for more material shit, it’ll never make you happy,” the post continues. “And stop worry about your fucking ankles/thighs/weight/tits because they are just fine.”

The passionate post is one of many that Alexander puts on her page. All of which, she explains to Yahoo Beauty, are not planned.

“I never make content ahead of time. It’s how I keep things feeling real and of the moment. I get up and write what’s on my mind, things I’m ruminating through, in hope that someone out there in social media universe might also be thoughtful of those same things that day,” she says.

Many of these things are personal to Alexander, and her experiences that day or that week. All of them, however, reflect ideas that concern all humans. Wellness, relationships, and change tend to be part of the larger themes she touches upon, but the conversation may be sparked from a simple and seemingly uninspired moment.

“This particular post was sparked by a couple interactions I had had with people that day prior, in traveling and in my personal relationships,” she explains. “Empathy, for me, is at the heart of everything, so I wanted to dig down beyond the surface emotion of jealousy, and really get to the root, fear.”

〰I NEED YOUR TRUST: We talked about it a little yesterday, the fear of rejection/failure/ not being good enough. ✨ When we practice naming our deepest fears and insecurities we unleash them. To say, "I acknowledge this darkness" is to shed some light on it. On us. . No matter how trivial or deep it might be. 〰 So I'm going to share some of my fear here…to 130k people who I call friends… in hopes that you will muster the bravery to name your own. ⚡️ If you find it in you, will you share your deepest most icky fear below? I know this is a big ask. Super scary. But I promise you will feel a sense of relief. And the by-product is that we will all feel less alone in our worry. So here are a couple fears I'm feeling: 1) I am afraid that I will become like a certain family member of mine, a person who prefers work to family and relationships. I fear that because I don't need anyone else for my own happiness, that I won't let anyone in, in a significant way for the long term. ⚡️2) I am a control freak so there's a part of me that is fearful of giving up control of parts of my work. Because secretly I think no one can execute my brand better than me. The truth is that's simply not the case and to do the things I want to do, I need to relinquish some responsibility to others. 3) I'm afraid I won't be as good of a teacher/mentor/boss as ones I've had before. ✋ Ok, so will you share just one with me? There's no judgement here, this is an exercise in how social should be, grinding against what it is. Will you be brave? #fear #lettinggo #bebetter

A post shared by CHINAE ALEXANDER (@chinaealexander) on Jul 31, 2017 at 10:35am PDT


In a follow-up post to the one shared on Sunday, Alexander expressed some of her own fears that underlie existing jealousy. “I NEED YOUR TRUST,” she wrote on Monday, before asking that her followers listen to her own admittance of fear and possibly share their own — which they subsequently did.

Each of her posts, and her videos on YouTube, are centered around her personal life and decisions. However, her followers respond in a way that shows how accurately the vulnerable messages depict their own lives as well.

“I read and was confronted with my bullshit,” one person commented on Sunday’s post. “Thank you for confronting your bullshit on social media. It helps remind me to do the same, on a daily basis. Thanks for being you.”

✨TRANSFORMATION TUESDAY✨ So…where's the before and after? It's so gratifying to see those photos side by side, isn't it? ✨To see someone change and morph into something else. To have proof. Maybe it's inspirational. I don't fucking know. You'll notice I don't post many of those here on this channel, not because I think there's anything WRONG with it, because there certainly is NOT. But for ME, the transformation is in the day to day. Getting up everyday and choosing love for myself. Seeing myself as more than what others might see me. ✨ It's so easy to categorize people, it makes them manageable and less scary. But what if you're more than the descriptor (news flash ⚡️, YOU ARE) that people put on you? It's funny, people always call me a fitness blogger but really, I'm just here documenting life as it relates to being a woman. Me. Hopefully of some help to YOU. I talk about a lot of things because I'm not defined by a workout, a weight loss, a new dress, the latest and greatest in lipstick, the country I've landed in, or the condition of my thighs. I am those things and more. And so are you. It's funny, when I started this account 2.5 years ago, I used to really curate what I posted. Oh, people won't like that. It's off topic. It's not fitness. It's maybe just something I'm passionate about. ✋ I stopped giving a flying fuck and so should you. Stop putting an edited version of yourself out into the world (not only on social media). Stop facetuning your damn soul. Don't be the person you think people want you to be. You're free to live outside THEIR version of you. The most important transformation we have is the one called, learning to exist, with peace, AS YOURSELF. #transformationtuesday #selflove #bodypositive #fuckyourbeautystandards #ACTUALLYFUCKALLYOURSTANDARDS

A post shared by CHINAE ALEXANDER (@chinaealexander) on Jul 25, 2017 at 9:26am PDT


Hundreds of others follow suit in expressing their admiration of Alexander, who always seems to say exactly what they need to hear. “Just so on point,” one follower writes. “Thank you for bringing me back to reality,” says another.

Although it seems like she’s figured it all out, Alexander admits that these reflections are a simple part of understanding ourselves — something that she’s still trying to do herself.

“I don’t have all the answers for myself or others,” she says. “But I do think finding what’s actually going on is integral to the process of us working on ourselves effectively. It’s like if you’re treating a cold but you actually have a massive flesh wound. … Understanding what the problem actually is is the first major step in healing ourselves and becoming more empathetic to others.”

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