Nobody understands the subtle nuances of holy matrimony quite like a wedding professional. Call it an occupational hazard if you will, but after spending so much time around weddings and married couples, you just start to pick up on the tiny things that make a relationship work.
Recently, many of these wedding professionals decided to share some of the observations they’ve made on the job. In the r/AskReddit forum, user @viratrim asked these folks to reveal their “biggest ‘this marriage isn’t gonna last’ story” — and boy, did they deliver.
Here are some of the best stories from the thread.
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1. The apathetic newlyweds
One photographer shared that when they were shooting a “very fancy wedding” in Boca Raton, both the bride and groom were rather unenthused about their nuptials.
The groom, who had already been divorced three times and was much older than his new wife, told the photographer that he had no plans for a honeymoon. “He said, ‘Eh, she travels plenty on my dollar. But maybe we’ll go somewhere later this year.'”
Meanwhile, the bride, when asked about how it felt to be married, replied, “‘Oh it’s fine. It’s whatever.'”
“[A] notable quote from a guest I overhead: ‘This is disgusting,'” the photographer added. Yikes.
2. The drunk groom
“[The] groom passed out not once but twice during the ceremony,” an audio guy revealed. “[With] smelling salts, we get him up. Get him some water and orange juice … get through the vows and yep, here he goes again, not as bad. […] The poor bride has the worst look on her face like omg what do I do?”
The couple lasted six months.
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3. The groom who went on a shopping spree
One wedding professional worked on a couple’s wedding about 10 years ago — and though the reception was “pretty normal,” things took a turn for the worst right afterward.
“Turns out, the day after the wedding, the groom took all the checks and cash they had been gifted, and went on a shopping spree,” they said. “Best Buy, Guitar Center, Dicks Sporting Goods, REI, and other similar stores. Spent like [$5,000] in five hours. Blew all their money. I don’t remember exactly what all he got, but the most ludicrous thing that sticks with me was two ipod touches. One for music, and one for audio books.”
“It was all for stuff for him,” they added. “I think he got her a backpack at REI. She was not into the outdoors.”
4. The groom with a big secret
“My cousin got married. Came to find out he knocked up another chick and told her to get an abortion, go away, etc. She showed up with her friend at the wedding reception 8 1/2 months pregnant, hammered drunk and wearing a wedding gown and veil,” one person shared. “She hung out for a couple hours drinking and laughing at everyone.”
5. The inappropriate groom
One wedding caterer knew the marriage wasn’t going to last when, while they were slicing the cake, the groom asked “if he could lick the icing off my fingers with his new bride standing right beside him.”
“I picked my jaw up off the floor and hid in the kitchen for the rest of the wedding,” they said.
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