Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?

With no Premier League football to sustain me, I have had time to myself to think, ponder, and lament.

Here is yet another round of the Blame Game for Chelsea’s last season in the top flight.

1. Jose Mourinho - The man’s job is to think and talk. He doesn’t have to run, pass, or score; he is a brain encumbered by a body. He has been a winner for well over a decade, so why the sudden lapse? Was there a lobotomy done over the summer? Are his grey cells being replaced by grey hairs? Maybe a few games of Sudoku will turn the season around.

2. Yokohama Tyres - Samsung sponsors: Chelsea wins. Yokohama sponsors: Chelsea loses. Coincidence? Can we do a survey on the quality of their tyres and see if they’re as flimsy and flat as the squad? For what it’s worth my Samsung TV has been reliable since its purchase. The only time it disappoints is when Chelsea is on screen.

3. Petr Čech - There was never more recognition for Čech as one of the greatest goalkeepers ever seen until he signed for Arsenal. Largely because of the comparison between him and the jokes that preceded him for the Gunners. That was the best(worst) part about Arsenal; they had world class talent for 10/11ths of the pitch and the goalkeeper was always ½ jello and ½ Swiss cheese. Now they are on course for the title. Outstanding.

4. Didier Drogba - “My friends, legends always return.” Those parting words from the Ivorian at the title celebration parade were more sweet nothings characteristic of his love affair with Chelsea. He was a leader on and off the pitch, and had an inimitable charisma. I think a large part of last year’s success was due not to his performances, but his mere presence. The storied reputation and experience of the man who won us the Champions League. But when MLS calls… well, you don’t run, you sort of amble over on a private jet, but you know what I mean.

5. The Premier League Matchday Computer - The scheduling of this season has been absolutely brutal to Chelsea. The next game is against Norwich, and even in this current dismal state Chelsea are probably favoured to win. This is the first match where I actually believe we could win by a considerable margin. But to face Man City, Everton, Arsenal, and Southampton in the first two months is a tall order. Not to mention the other teams that beat Chelsea that weren’t favourites to do so. Do Yokohama make computers as well?