Managers get into half hearted tussles all the time on the touchline, but have you ever wondered which of the 20 Premier League bosses would come out on top in a no-holds-barred Battle Royal, without a fourth official to keep them within the confines of their own technical areas? It's WrestleMania 33 on Sunday night, so ahead of the grand event and the much-anticipated 'Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal', here's the definitive ranking (in reverse order) of all the top flight's managers by...
Bottom of the table. We know he has staying power, but that's about it for the beleaguered Gunners boss, who would likely snap like a breadstick if forced into any form of combat, or gentle exercise.
Boyish good looks won't do you any favours in the bleak, cut throat world of Premier League manager fighting. Howe is relegation zone fodder, and one of the first over the top rope.
Imagine all the managers Mourinho has royally pissed off over the years lining up to take a swing at him. His chances of survival are very slim.
You can't 'mind game' your way out of a Sean Dyche head lock. No you can't.
Look at him. Just look at him. Agnew's getting nowhere in this match up.
Not necessarily physically weak, just hapless. Liable to poke himself in the eye or get tangled up trying to take his jacket off at the first sign of trouble.
Pros: Bald. Bears striking resemblance to Ciro the nasty Mafia man from the crime series Gomorrah. Cons: Wears a lot of suede and converse.
If PE teachers are notorious for one thing (no, not that) it's being fairly fit. However, years of globetrotting with football's nicest man Carlo Ancelotti may have seen Clement go a little soft around the edges.
Something of an unknown quantity. Does his inclusion in the battle royal take away opportunities from young, British fighting managers like Gary Rowett? That's the question Paul Merson is surely asking.
Claude Puel has an unusual, slightly indecipherable look. He could be the head of a notorious crime family, or equally could be the bloke who goes three stops too far on the tube because he's too afraid to ask people to let him pass.
Another Premier League relative newbie with little background to go on. Mazzarri looks a bit like a scowly Alec Baldwin and is partial to a pair of aviators.
He does earn bonus points for
getting angry even when his Watford team win.
Possibly can handle himself but is largely untested at elite level. May be hamstrung by having to fight with a ball under each arm.
Also, can anyone with the name Shakespeare really, truly be hard? That is the question.
In-shape and has the furrowed brow of a man on the edge. He is also the son of a farmer, which makes him 'country tough'.
Could demolish your Howes and your Agnews but possibly too hipster to trouble anyone with real power and weight.
Pros: Large. Very large. The Big Show of this match. Cons: Slow. Susceptible to sneak attacks and newspaper stings.
Slaven Bilic has the weathered look of a man who has seen and done things he is not proud of. However, those things are mainly
diving to get Laurent Blanc suspended for the 1998 World Cup final, which is admittedly not that hard.
Vaguely resembles an alpha male orangutan, and (judging by his free kicks) has the raw strength of one.
However, Koeman also appears far too benevolent to wish anyone real harm. Except maybe a wantaway Romelu Lukaku.
Tall and decidedly unstable. The Liverpool boss might have won the whole thing but for the likelihood of losing his glasses in an uncontrolled fit of windmill arms rendering him open on the counter attack. Just like his team, come to think of it.
Has the look of a weary provincial bouncer... forged from mountain rock. Dyche undoubtedly could crush you if he had to, but would arguably come undone against a true psychopath.
Notice how no-one really mocks Conte's ridiculous hair transplant? It's because crazy beats strong. Every time.
Mark Hughes is a man of peace (and handshakes) not war these days. But cross that line, refuse that invitation for a post match glass of red and there's a steel there. Hughes would hold a grudge and hunt you down like every Liam Neeson film. You don't want to test his limits.
claimed he would kick his own granny, if he came up against her on the pitch.
The living embodiment of a wet and windy night in Stoke. The man once
headbutted James Beattie. In the shower. Naked.
And he is from Pillgwenlly in Wales. Of course he is number one. Pulis will mess you right up.