Say what you like about the modern Manchester United, but they remain world leaders in one important category: player-value depreciation. Want a once-desirable footballer reduced in value to near-worthlessness? Send them to Old Trafford and marvel at United’s miraculous ability to turn promise into a quiet loan move to a La Liga also-ran.

That is the fate of Antony, an £84 million (not a typo) signing as recently as 2022, now shipped off to Real Betis as one of the worst buys in Premier League history. His time at Old Trafford will be remembered for a second season of just one goal and one assist, a woeful miss against Southampton earlier this month and goading the players of Coventry City after United bravely triumphed against them on penalties in an FA Cup semi-final, with a huge assist from VAR. You know, all the good stuff.

As such you would imagine any club signing him would do so as quietly as possible. No such luck for Antony, presumably seeking to rebuild his career to some degree, as many have away from the United talent vortex. Of course all new signings now require some sort of social-media introduction, but would it have killed Betis to go with the uncomplicated scarf-raising photograph? Apparently so.

Instead they posted a puzzlingly lo-fi video in which Anthony waited patiently behind some A4 print-outs of his own face at various points during his career, before announcing “aqui estoy yo”.

That’s “here I am” in Spanish, recorded at a volume which will come as quite a shock if you had turned up your phone confused about how quietly the video starts.

Tough to unpick the concept here. The pictures of Antony are flopping around and wobbling, occasionally (spoiler alert) showing that IRL Antony is indeed aqui just behind them. No time for a take two? Seemingly not, the Betis rondo waits for no man.

This comes as something of a shock in an era of extremely polished unveiling videos, although does it deserve a place on the Mount Rushmore of similar terrible efforts? Only you (and your fellow Telegraph readers) can decide.

Aaron Hickey to Bologna

The highlands, moody monochrome, some bagpipes. So far, so unimaginative whisky advert. Then a toy dinosaur, presumably meant to signify the Loch Ness monster, and Hickey in a vest, speaking with all of the enthusiasm of a hostage insisting that his captors are treating him well.

Jesús Navas to Sevilla

Took that hostage idea and ran with it.

Josh Tymon to Stoke

Attempting to capitalise on social-media transfer mania by either aping or mocking their fans’ growing frustration about a lack of signings. We see an unnamed figure imploring the club to sign someone on Twitter. Only it’s the club’s official social-media account tweeting it. But who is doing the tweeting? And more to the point: why? It’s Josh Tymon of course, that central defender from Hull City. Sign someone else!

Jude Bellingham to Borussia Dortmund

Just do not ask footballers to sing. Did we learn nothing from Diamond Lights?

Patrik Schick to Roma

Absolutely no idea.

Alexis Sánchez to Man Utd

Of course part of the reason why Antony’s video has been greeted with mickey-taking is the awful time he has had at Old Trafford. This can work both ways. When Alexis Sánchez arrived at Manchester United it was seen as a great coup. Now that we know how that panned out, this generously-budgeted video looks like as big a waste of money as his salary.