ROLL UP, ROLL UP

Football at Big Sports Day; it’s a concept that has always seemed a little off somehow. The world’s most popular game rarely, if ever, enjoys centre stage at the Games, instead taking a back seat to volleyball and sailing for a couple of weeks every four years. Olympic football usually tends to force its way into the headlines only when something goes wrong. Luckily for tea-timely emails scraping through the dog days of July, football at the Games has a rich history of farce and controversy, dating back to 1896 when an “unofficial” final was played between Denmark and Greece. The referee was Prince George, a royal in both nations (and Prince Philip’s uncle), and it ended either 9-0 or 15-0 to Denmark, with the prince presumably losing interest.

This tradition of confusion, poor organisation and general apathy about the final result has persisted through the years. Two teams in the inter-war period – Czechoslovakia in 1920, and Peru in 1936 – quit the tournament over refereeing controversies. In 2012, the North Korean women’s side nearly didn’t play at all, after screens at Hampden Park displayed the South Korean flag by mistake before their match against Colombia. The higher stakes from the women’s tournament have led to some more dramatic moments too, like in 2016 when USA USA USA keeper Hope Solo labelled Sweden “a bunch of cowards” … for the shameful act of eliminating her team in a penalty shootout.

This time around, the men’s event kicked off amid tight security as Israel faced Mali in Paris. That was expected to be the main game of concern on Wednesday, but Argentina and Morocco had other ideas. With the African side leading 2-1 deep into an absurd amount of stoppage time, Argentina’s Cristian Medina scored one of the greatest last-minute pinball equalisers you’ll ever see. Cue a pitch invasion, with fans throwing missiles at the celebrating Argentina players before the referee appeared to blow for full-time. Except it turned out that, in fact, the game had been suspended, the players stuck in the tunnel for a good hour waiting for things to blow over.

While they were waiting, Argentina also found out that actually, they were still behind – with the goal chalked off for a correct, but egregiously delayed, VAR offside call. When the teams returned to the field in a now-empty stadium in Saint-Étienne, three more minutes were played before full-time was finally called. A bona fide thriller had been diluted down into a nonsensical mess; even good old Prince George didn’t mess things up this badly. Argentina, whose players were heartily booed after celebrating their Copa América win with a racist sing-song about French players, decided to take the result on the chin and move forward. Oh hang on, sorry, what’s that? No, of course they didn’t.

“It’s the biggest circus I’ve ever seen in my life,” fumed Argentina coach Javier Mascherano, who has clearly never checked out Cirque du Soleil. “I don’t think the game should be played for three minutes after an hour and a half,” he added, not unreasonably. Nicolás Otamendi offered some even stronger words. “What happened today makes you angry and impotent,” sobbed the centre-back, revealing a hitherto undetected side effect of Olympic disappointment. Argentina must now aim for two wins and zero diplomatic incidents in their two remaining group games, against Iraq and Ukraine. Meanwhile, the women’s event kicks off later on Thursday as Canada face New Zealand. The defending champions should know their opponents well, having been caught spying on their training sessions with a drone. Yeesh. We’re off to watch the archery.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Sarah Rendell from 6pm BST for Big Sports Day MBM coverage of Germany 2-2 Australia in the flamin’ women’s group stage.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“You’ve got to put it into context. We’ve played a billion-pound team, they’ve spent so much money, and two years ago we were playing in the National League. To go toe-to-toe with Chelsea, you can understand what an effort that was from the lads and we could and should have won the game” – Wrexham manager Phil Parkinson reflects on his side’s 2-2 pre-season draw against Chelsea in California, with Blues manager Enzo Maresca “very happy about the performance in general” after Lesley Ugochukwu grabbed a late equaliser.

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