Blast from the Past no.46: Alan Kimble

Reviving the Premier League players you forgot existed…

Sometimes the world isn’t fair.

Amnesty International’s post about the plight of Syrian refugees gets 23 retweets; Cristiano Ronaldo’s topless selfie in his new pair of shorts gets 10,000.

Jack Wilshere has 2.32 million people hanging on his every word; the Royal Institute for the Blind has just 30 thousand – half as many as Charles N’Zogbia.

But even if you set aside all the refugees and the blind people, there are few more blatant injustices on this cruel planet than the fact that Alan Kimble – a man who has dedicated his life to football - has just 171 Twitter followers.

One-hundred and seventy-one. Ronaldo makes more than that every time he tenses his stomach muscles.

Just one-hundred and seventy-one people who want to hear what Alan Kimble thinks when he thinks it. It can’t be right. It’s a glitch in the Matrix. How has this happened?

It’s true, admittedly, that Kimble was always a late bloomer. He made more than 300 appearances in the lower leagues for Cambridge United before finally getting his transfer to the big time at the age of 27 – a £175,000 move to Premiership Wimbledon in the summer of 1993.

The Dons had been seeking a successor to Crazy Gang legend Terry Phelan, and Kimble looked instantly at home in the Irishman’s old left-back position - his educated left peg earning him the nickname “the wand”.

“Kimble was never the quickest player but he had a very sweet left foot, hence his nickname, and was fairly tenacious in the tackle. I say ‘fairly’ tenacious as compared to his fellow Wimbledon left-back, Ben Thatcher, he was a pussycat,” said one Wimbledon fan on the Womble Underground Press website.

“If Kimble had Thatcher’s pace he’d have been a potential England international. Definition of a cultured left foot,” gushed another Womble.

This being Wimbledon, the wand was used mainly to pump long diagonal balls to the front two rather than to stroke 30-yard free-kicks into the net.

Indeed, Kimble didn’t score a single league goal in his 215 Dons appearances (although he did, in fact, once manage to score a 30-yard free-kick in the league cup against Plymouth).

The wand was also employed regularly on corners, a potent weapon in the Crazy Gang’s set piece armoury – although not always.

“He once went to take a corner-kick at Sutton United. As he ran up my mate asked him about his greyhound - he got distracted and kicked the corner flag and fell over,” recalled one pre-season friendly die-hard.
Aside from his occasional preoccupation with dogs and one other unsavoury incident where Kimble made an unkind “gesture” to fans who had booed off the team at half-time when they were trailing 1-0 to Barnsley, he was a much-loved figure on the terraces.

“He lacked a bit of pace but he was a typical Wimbledon 100%-er who was popular with the fans,” said one supporter.

“Alan Kimble was the man who made sideburns cool in the 1990s. Forget Liam Gallagher, it was ‘The Wand’ who inspired millions of football fans to grow three-inch tufts of facial hair. He was a fashion icon and trendsetter,” claimed another fan, dubiously.

Such was the Dagenham-born full-back’s cult status that one Wombles supporter allegedly gave his son the middle name Kimble, while it is also claimed that a Bulgarian Dons fan named Hristo once travelled all the way to England just to meet his hero Alan.

“Every single game I played was an honour,” Kimble once remarked, although his eventual decline mirrored that of his club.

After seven top-flight seasons at Selhurst Park, he played sporadically for two Championship campaigns before leaving in the summer of 2002 – the same year the wheels for Wimbledon’s scurrilous move to Milton Keynes were set in motion.

After seeing out his playing career in non-league, he moved into management, first as an assistant and then as the main man at Isthmian League side Maldon & Tiptree in 2014.

It was at about this time that Kimble joined Twitter, and in a big way - firing out motivational posts about Maldon’s relegation battle and using words like “re-energise”.

Kimble’s aim of Isthmian League survival was achieved, but at the end of the season his contracted was not renewed. It’s little wonder he hasn’t tweeted since.

The Wand turned 50 this year, but anyone familiar with his work will know he has plenty of magic left in the tank. If you want to do your bit for humanity, it’s time to get this Premiership great back on his feet. It’s time to follow Alan.

@darlingkevin

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