Transfer deadline day has become such a national obsession that...

Police forces across England warned motorists not to check rolling news while driving and university academics queued to provide quotes for media organisations on what it all means. One day the summer window will take up an official place in the British calendar, alongside Christmas and Bonfire night, perhaps under the heading: Loadsamoney Day.

England's best young players were...

In a swirl of uncertainty and inflated values, with Ross Barkley, whose career has stalled, apparently pulling out of a move to Chelsea after his medical; and Raheem Sterling mentioned in previous days as a possible makeweight to draw Alexis Sanchez to Manchester City. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who has not started more than 17 Premier League games in any season, was presented as a major catch for Liverpool, where he must progress beyond the ‘potential’ stage. Credit to him, though, for striking out from Arsenal, where players are allowed to stagnate without punishment, and the club’s strategy (if they had one) was horribly muddled.

The ludicrously late closing of the window...

Creates problems for clubs who started the season badly. The first three Premier League fixtures can destroy a club’s attractiveness to potential signings. West Ham, for example, had no chance of signing William Carvalho once they had run up three straight defeats. Higher up, Arsenal tried and failed to persuade Thomas Lemar that Europa League football in Highbury and Islington was an attractive proposition, after two defeats in three and a 4-0 battering at Liverpool. Lemar, who might have had designs on Barcelona instead, would have struggled to complete his medical while also playing for France in a World Cup qualifier.

The rash of restless players watching games from the stands with supposed injuries was an affront to supporters. Coutinho’s back was too sore for him to play for Liverpool but on national duty with Brazil he was declared fit to play. The August 31 cut-off date is making martyrs of players who want to change clubs. Virgil van Dijk at Southampton was another lonely protestor.

Pep Guardiola is...

God to Manchester City’s owners. Their willingness to bid £60m for a player - Sanchez - with one year left on his contract reaffirmed that Abu Dhabi has bet the farm on Guardiola’s scheme to dominate English football. The first clue was the huge spend on full-backs - Kyle Walker and Benjamin Mendy, especially. But offering £60m-plus on deadline day for a player who would be available for free in less than a year is another level of extravagance (and was bizarrely late in the day). It also probably alarmed Sergio Aguero, who could picture a lightning strike-force of Sanchez and Gabriel Jesus, with him as back-up.

The Premier League is still...

Short of truly global stars, or what you might call Ballon d’Or top 20 players. Even when the billion pound spending mark was passed, the list of imported aristocrats was short. Alvaro Morata, Tiemoue Bakayoko, Mohammed Salah, Bernardo Silva and company are all highly accomplished. But the concentration of A-listers remains much higher at Real Madrid, Barcelona and PSG. Three players broke the £100m barrier - and all were in Europe. Neymar (to PSG), Mbappe (PSG) and Ousmane Dembele (to Barcelona) were the global earth-shakers, while Barca were also looking to place Coutinho in that bracket.

These top-end buys...

Have created an insane inflationary spiral, with £10m players suddenly worth £30m, and brinkmanship on the increase. Standing firm is the new caving in. Monaco exploited this best, with their willingness to sell Lemar on England’s deadline day for £92m (he refused to go along with the plan). The figures quoted around Van Dijk were also increasingly surreal. Danny Drinkwater’s price seemed to go up and up as well as a possible move to Chelsea crept towards the klaxon. Kyle Walker for £50m was the window’s benchmark for Weimaresque hyper-inflation. Some see a crash coming. It is certainly an arms race, between billionaires and nation states (Qatar, Abu Dhabi).

Chelsea were the Jilted Johns...

With Romelu Lukaku’s move to Manchester United kicking off a remarkable sequence of doomed pursuits. Many felt Antonio Conte started a crisis where there was none, obsessing about competing on two major fronts with a thin squad. Yet Chelsea had already bought him Bakayoko, Rudiger and Morata when Oxlade-Chamberlain opted for Liverpool, Fernando Llorente seemed to be heading to Spurs and Barkley’s medical produced a diagnosis of cold feet. Rafinha was another cul-de-sac. But they signed Davide Zappacosta on the final day, causing a flurry of Google searches by those unfamiliar with his work at Torino. Chelsea’s squad is strong. End of story.

Spurs remain the deadline addicts...

With Davinson Sanchez, Serge Aurier and Llorente all late-ish arrivals. No wonder Mauricio Pochettino was so cool about the lack of transfer activity. He knew Daniel Levy was up there on his high wire. But there was a cost. Spurs had already lost to Chelsea and drawn with Burnley at Wembley before most of these deals were done. Earlier completions might have strengthened Pochettino’s hand as the club moved into the House of Pain.

Good deals can still be done, away from the blare and glare of the household names...

As Leicester, West Brom and Swansea demonstrated. Leicester added Harry Maguire at centre-back and Kelechi Iheanacho at centre-forward, while Swansea exploited Paul Clement’s friendship with Carlo Ancelotti to borrow Renato Sanches from Bayern Munich on deadline day. West Brom pulled off arguably the best piece of late mid-table business, acquiring Grzegorz Krychowiak from PSG. Also at Leicester, Riyad Mahrez’s vigil in London appeared to have come to nothing. His wait for a top Premier League club to come in for him assumed a slightly desperate look.

At Newcastle, Rafa Benitez must wish he had never placed his faith in...

Mike Ashley.