Erling Haaland signs up to take on Shearer and co’s scoring records
LOOK OUT DANNY ROWE
If Erling Haaland had signed his new and improved, all-singing, all-dancing, nine-and-a-half-year contract with Manchester City a month ago, headline writers could have had a blast by pointing out the Norwegian was putting pen to paper on a 115-month deal [you rounding up? – Football Daily Ed]. The significance of that particular number being that it is commonly associated with the Rooks Problem in chess, a game the 24-year-old Norwegian striker once told an interviewer he does not like to play. Sadly, the buzzkills in the City HR department have denied sub-editors nationwide their little window of fun with his record deal, reported to be worth £500,000 per week basic. All of which means that, even if he never scores another goal, the striker will trouser something in the region of £246m more by the time he turns 34, leaving him a couple of years to top up his pension in whatever lucrative retirement backwater happens to be fashionable in a decade’s time.
“I am super-happy,” howled Haaland, after posing for the obligatory photo with pen poised over his spanking new deal. “I am proud. It is difficult to put into words because it is a big moment. I am happy and that is the right word to use. I am looking forward to staying here for a long time. Now I can fully focus … on performing and getting better to give all of the fans what they want. It has gone really quick. It feels like I signed a moment ago. It has been going really quick and that is a good thing. It means I am enjoying it.”
One man who is unlikely to be super-happy to hear news of Haaland’s new deal is Alan Shearer, who is fiercely proud of his position as the Premier League’s record goalscorer, not that it’s one he likes to mention at every available opportunity. The eggheads at Opta have calculated that if Haaland’s current ratio of 0.9 goals per game for City is maintained, he will catch Shearer’s all-time record of 260 goals in another 200 games. At which point, one presumes, he’ll almost certainly set his sights on Shearer’s actual top-flight record of 283 goals, before trying to overtake Gordon Hodgson (288 and two cricket County Championships with Lancashire), Dixie Dean (310), Steve Bloomer (314) and the late great legend Jimmy Greaves (357). A lot done, Erling. More to do.
Unique among elite strikers insofar as his goalscoring prowess is phenomenal despite accusations that he is a big-game bottler, Haaland has amassed 246 goals across 148 senior games, just two of which came in the 10 semi-final and final matches he’s participated in (excluding Community Shield and Super Cup games because they don’t count or suit the specious argument that he is in some way not all that). During a time of uncertainty for City, who are awaiting the outcome of the investigation into the charges they face for alleged financial chicanery and book-cooking, news of Haaland’s deal has prompted half-baked conspiracy theories regarding potential outcomes and what might happen to their megabucks-earning striker if they’re bounced down to the National League North. And while Football Daily is not one to entertain such nonsense, we are happy to point out that the all-time goalscoring record to beat in that particular division stands at 106 goals, all of them scored by Danny Rowe.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
I am very happy to be here. It is great to have so many people here for this great club. We have had our first meetings. I am looking forward to starting my job. It is great to be in this great city” – on a big day for Norwegians signing things, Ole Gunnar Solskjær arrives at Besiktas for his first job since leaving Manchester United three years ago. And just look at his face!
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Myles Lewis-Skelly obviously took Erling Haaland’s tetchily-delivered advice to ‘stay humble’ given he continues to play for nothing more than the approval of his gran (yesterday’s Football Daily). What she makes of him continuing to break new ground by picking up freak cautions (the latest on Wednesday night seemingly for the crime of being bundled off the pitch by a couple of Spurs players for whom that was the only evidence of an ability to affect events on the pitch in the way they intended) is anyone’s guess. Meanwhile Haaland is presumably practising what he preaches himself, given his return of six goals in 16 games since offering said advice” – Charles Ashmore [not if that desk up top is anything to go by – Football Daily Letters Ed].
In their musings on the north London derby, I couldn’t help noticing that two of your columnists (Jonathan Liew and Max Rushden) resorted to the metaphor of ‘choosing your own adventure’. Is this the start of a worrying new trend mashing up football writing with references to genre-breaking 1970s youth fiction? What can we expect to see next? Pardon Me, You’re Stepping on My Angeball? Are You There Pep, It’s Me, Mikel? Please make it stop” – Paul Gibbard.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Paul Gibbard. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here because prizes are back from Monday, baby!
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