What was sexy, and what wasn’t, in the the European Championship quarter-finals…

HOT

Sam Vokes
Every member of the Wales team that vanquished Belgium could be singled out for praise, but few players sum up the ridiculousness of the Dragons’ success better than the Burnley man. A prolific Championship-level centre-forward, Vokes is a player who has been perennially damned by his inability to cut it at the top level. A striker with a strike rate of 1 in 7 for his country, a man who has played 26 Premier League games without ever scoring a goal. But there was nothing second-rate about his majestic match-sealing header in Lille, as he outjumped Toby Alderweireld and nodded past Thibaut Courtois to send Chris Coleman’s side into the semi-finals.

Crystal Palace
Few could have predicted that the Premier League team with the most players left at the semi-final stage of Euro 2016 would be the Eagles, who have five men still standing in France. Admittedly, one of them has barely played for France (Yohan Cabaye), another one has never played for Crystal Palace (Steve Mandanda) and the other three are Welsh (Hennessey, Ledley, Williams). But it’s still a great achievement for the south London club, although we’re not sure if it says more about the brilliance of Palace, the failings of the so-called “best league in the world” or the weirdness of these Euros.

Renato Sanches
Most major tournaments mark the arrival of a young player who will go on to become a major star, although the 18-year-old Portugal midfielder had already spoiled that surprise somewhat when he signed for Bayern Munich for a potential £67m before the Euros had even started. Nevertheless, the Germans will be feeling pleased with their investment so far, because the teenager has been his country’s best player in France. Meanwhile, Cristiano Ronaldo has spent most of his time missing penalties, hitting air-shots and throwing up his arms in frustration whenever Nani doesn’t pass to him.

NOT

Simone Zaza
If the Italy striker thought we may have forgotten about his atrocious spot-kick amid all the other atrocious spot-kicks that were taken during his side’s hilariously incompetent shootout with Germany, he thought wrong. Because of all the penalties taken, and despite some incredibly stiff competition, Zaza’s was the worst. This is partly because the tattooed 24-year-old was only on the pitch for his penalty-taking prowess, having replaced Giorgio Chiellini two seconds before the end of extra time so that he could help the Azzuri win the shootout. He literally had one job. “I did send Manuel Neuer the wrong way, but unfortunately the ball went too high,” Zaza summarised afterwards with a commendable sense of understatement.

Lukakus
Belgium’s quarter-final against Wales was an auspicious occasion for the Lukaku family, with brothers Romelu and Jordan starting their first match together at the Euros. But it’s probably one they won’t be mentioning around the Christmas table this year. While Romelu regressed to his ineffective opening-game form in attack, Jordan gave an equally dodgy display at the back as Marc Wilmots’ re-jigged defence struggled to cope with their opponents’ Championship-level strike force. Just like England’s so-called Golden Generation, it seems the Belgian variety is also destined to perpetually lose in the quarter-finals.

England
No, they didn’t make the last eight, but they were at the Stade de France in spirit on Sunday night as France gave the continent a gentle reminder that beating Iceland isn’t really that difficult. The unavoidable conclusion most people drew from the game was not that France are very good, but that England are even worse than everyone thought they were last week. Which was already very bad. Each French goal in the simple 5-2 rout was another small dagger into Roy Hodgson’s soul. If only England had a striker as good as Olivier Giroud…

@darlingkevin