Five things... Emmanuel Adebayor will do this month

1) Reject a move
Given some of the things Emmanuel has been accused of being over the years - troublesome, moody, money-grabbing, lazy, silly - you’d think that no clubs would want him. But the opposite is true. Many football chairmen and managers around the world admire Emmanuel’s abilities and they are constantly trying to sign him. This month, Emmanuel will reject an offer from one or more of these people because it will not be to his liking.

2) Get paid roughly half-a-million pounds
This is one of the things that happens to Emmanuel every month, courtesy of his £100,000-a-week salary. He will spend some of the money on bottled water and on food, including meat, vegetables and fruit. He will buy also something nice for himself, like a boat, and splash out on fun activities for him to enjoy while he is not participating in the Premier League. Some money will also go to members of his family, but don’t get him started on that.

3) Be courted by West Ham
West Ham are attracted to Emmanuel because he has scored many goals in the Premier League for clubs better than West Ham. They have tried to buy him before and they certainly will try again this month. They will not want to pay him £100,000 a week because that is even more than they pay Andy Carroll, who is their best player so he should earn the most.

4) Go to a hair salon
The braided hairstyle favoured by Emmanuel requires regular maintenance to keep him looking at his best at all times. A lot of this work can be done at home, but it’s easier to get a professional to do it and Emmanuel’s wealth means he can see a hair stylist at literally any time without worrying about the cost - even in the middle of the night, not that this is likely because Emmanuel sleeps at night. Emmanuel had a haircut in May, but his locks will be getting quite long now and are likely to require attention.

5) Play football for Tottenham
This is Emmanuel’s current job and he has a contract stating that he must play football for Tottenham when they tell him to, which isn’t that often but it does happen sometimes. When Emmanuel is selected to play, whether it is in the Premier League or some other type of game, he will do some bad things with the football but also some good things that many other players on the pitch would not be capable of doing even if they practised forever. Emmanuel will presumably take some pleasure from this because it’s nice to have talent.