Gavin Henson's life changes forever after discovery of 'chimp'
At the peak of his powers, Gavin Henson was one of the best and most famous rugby players on the planet.
However, his career ended quietly some years ago, with many believing he never reached his true potential, given the sheer amount of natural ability he had.
Since retiring in 2019, Henson has kept a relatively low profile, putting his time and energy into running his gastro pub 'The Fox' in St Brides Major. More recently, he returned to rugby union, playing for Pencoed RFC - his hometown club.
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In a very rare media appearance, Henson is a guest on the latest episode of 'The Big Jim Show' with former Scotland international Jim Hamilton.
It is one of the first significant interviews Henson has given since speaking to WalesOnline in depth in 2020, when he revealed the truth about the things he did and witnessed during his storied career.
The first question put to Henson was a simple one. "Where have you been?"
The 42-year-old explained his main priority right now is running The Fox and living a quieter life with his young family. The Welshman now has four children, including two new arrivals, Bale and Chase, in recent years with wife Katie. "That's where all my time's been!", he quipped.
Now the youngest children are in nursery, Henson has a little more time on his hands, hence the return to rugby, albeit on a slightly smaller stage. Being away from the glitz and glamour of professional sport is exactly where Henson feels happiest these days.
"I'm much more comfortable not being in that," he said. "That's not really me. But that's what comes with it, I suppose, when you're in the public eye with rugby. They've been great experiences, but it's been nice to be out of it and just do family life and setting up a business. That has its own pressures, and that's my living now."
Henson says he doesn't reflect on his career often. He explains that if you went to his house, you'd have no idea he was a top level Wales star. There is no memorabilia at his home or in his pub. Truth be told, he doesn't know where most of it is anymore.
It's a similar story in terms of his relationships with former team-mates. He doesn't keep in touch, and he recognises a lot of that is down to him.
Henson admits he is "terrible as a friend in general". He says that he speaks with a few former players through X and there is a text message now and again.
"But they're always wanting something from me," explained Henson. "So it's not really like a friendship, I suppose, with some of the ex-rugby boys. I'm a poor friend. I am on the (autism) spectrum, so that's my excuse. It's just the way I am, it's nothing personal. It's not like I've gone out and got a new friend.
"I struggle socialising that way, unless I've had a drink. It's all different then." More of that later.
With regards to being told he is "on the spectrum", as he puts it, Henson says: "That makes a bit of sense. For coaches and players throughout the years, it probably makes sense to them. I can be a little bit odd.
"I think people found it hard to understand me. I'm a little bit different, obviously. And they always liked to try and mould you into the group and I learned how to do that, and fake that, to be a part of the team to fit in so that I'd play on the weekend."
Henson went on to reveal that he once visited a psychologist with Mike Cuddy, the former owner of Ospreys, and Andrew Hore - a fitness coach at the time. Cuddy flew Henson up to the Scottish Borders in a helicopter, and the Wales star spoke with the psychologist for two hours. The reason for this trip is that Henson kept getting injuries and the staff thought it was all in his head.
"After two hours, he more or less threw his book down and said 'I cannot work with this guy'. I was like - 'What?!' - he works with criminals and psychos. He said - 'His chimp is in full control!'"
The Welshman says the professor never explained what the 'chimp' comment meant, with Cuddy, Henson and Hore all joking about it in the helicopter back to Wales. "Fast forward about three years, I'm in London doing Strictly Come Dancing - during my time out of rugby - I walk into Waterstones and the number one seller is 'The Chimp Paradox'.
"I just see the chimp and it just hit a note. I looked at it and I saw the author's name - Doctor Steve Peters. That's the guy I saw! So, I bought the book. Wow. I read that and it was life-changing. I understood myself, it helped me in every aspect of life. From going through a break up, with kids, with rugby. I can see other people's chimp, I can see when their chimp is in control of them, and I can learn how to deal with my chimp."
For those unfamiliar, 'The Chimp Paradox' uses the 'chimp' as a metaphor for the more impulsive, emotional side of our brain that reacts without thinking, whereas the 'human side' is responsible for more rational and logical thinking. It explains the importance of finding the balance and managing both sides.
"You also need the chimp," says Henson. "He's that animal side in you, which you need for rugby. I think that's where I got lost a little bit in rugby. I started to control the chimp a little bit when I didn't need to - I needed him to take over, he was the guy that played rugby. Because I was controlling him so much, I lost a little bit of my game at that point."
The former Bristol star says that with the adrenaline-fuelled rugby matchdays, it was hard to come down from that high, and essentially calm down the chimp side of his brain, which would often lead to drinking and going out after a big game. That urge led to some hugely controversial moments, with Henson making the front pages rather than the back on more than one occasion.
Later in his career, he would combat this by just sitting in the changing rooms for two hours, waiting for everyone to shower and go home. This allowed him to quietly calm down before heading home himself.
Henson was asked by Hamilton whether he has any regrets about his career, and the former centre answered frankly.
"Drink. If I didn't drink throughout my whole career, I wonder how my career would have looked," says Henson. "When you come through in the early 2000s, there was a massive drinking culture. It was crazy, the amount of drinking going on was mental. During the week before a massive game.
"What I quickly realised, if you didn't join in on that, you were like an outcast. I went through school and I didn't drink, I was so professional, I was the ultimate professional. I managed to get a contract with Swansea at 18, hell of a team, so professional, couldn't wait to work with these guys - and they were so unprofessional.
"Great players, but massive drinkers. I learnt quickly I had to be part of that to be accepted. I had that grounding from them that it was part and parcel of rugby. To be involved in a team, you have to fit in and you have to do those social events. It wasn't good for perceptions of me, for future coaches."
Closing out the podcast, Hamilton simply asked Henson whether he is happy. It is now 20 years since his performances in the 2005 Grand Slam campaign catapulted him into a world of sporting superstardom, the likes of which few rugby players have ever experienced.
"I don't really like looking back," says Henson. "These things provoke that a bit. But I'm totally content. Really happy with life. You know when people talk about their past they say - 'That feels like yesterday!' - mine doesn't. 2005 feels like 40-50 years ago, like another lifetime, it doesn't feel like yesterday to me. A lot has gone on in my life, and that's how it works then, I suppose.
"I'm very happy, I've got a great wife, two new boys now. And the business is doing well, as well. So all good."
If you would like to watch the interview with Henson, then click here. An extended version of the interview is available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
Henson has been a regular for Pencoed RFC this season, and seems to be loving life in rugby again. He's been named to start against Resolven in Division Two West Central this weekend, after making his debut last summer. You can read more about that here.
