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Gossip: Chelsea 'target Crouch' but could face transfer ban, Man City 'want Can', Tottenham 'chase Lucas Moura'

Moura the same – Can you believe it? Chelsea want Peter Crouch
Moura the same – Can you believe it? Chelsea want Peter Crouch

This time last year, Chelsea were seven points clear at the top of the Premier League table. Today, they are 15 points adrift of the summit and trying to buy Peter Crouch. As bad years go, that one’s up there with Leyton Orient and Aziz Ansari.

But what’s bad for the Blues is generally tremendous fun for everyone else, so let’s take a moment to sit back and enjoy the Telegraph’s story about Roman Abramovich’s swoop for Stoke City’s 36-year-old robot man.

The Russian oligarch and his team of transfer gurus, so beloved of manager Antonio Conte, have reportedly turned their attentions to Crouchy after their move for West Ham’s Andy Carroll collapsed – much to the dismay of Hammers fans everywhere.

Carroll has missed out on a big-money move to Stamford Bridge because he in injured, because of course he is injured, but this has not dampened Chelsea’s eagerness to make a comedy signing in this transfer window.

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The Telegraph says the Blues want to take loveable beanpole Crouch on loan until the end of the season, although the Sun suggests the Potters could be tempted by a £3m permanent deal.

Crouchy is, to be fair, one of several strikers Chelsea are being linked with as they seek a back-up option to Alvaro Morata.

The Sun says they are in talks with Roma about an “epic” £77m double swoop for former Manchester City hitman Edin Dzeko and Brazilian defender Emerson Palmieri. The Italians apparently want £57m for Dzeko and £20m for Emerson, although the Blues only want to pay £44m for the pair.

“Give me Ed” is the Sun’s headline on that story by the way. Is that allowed?

Blues threatened with transfer ban

Chelsea could also try to sign Fernando Llorente from Tottenham after missing out on the Spaniard in the summer (Independent), but this may all be irrelevant anyway because the club have been simultaneously threatened with a FIFA transfer ban over their dubious signings of foreign players under 18 (Guardian).

Many Blues fans will doubtless be begging FIFA to implement the embargo as soon as possible after seeing the links to Carroll and Crouch.

Meanwhile, Manchester City have “expressed an interest” in signing Liverpool midfielder Emre Can, who continues to refuse offers of a new deal at Anfield amid suspicions that he wants to join Bayern Munich (Mirror).

On the plus side, if Can moves to the Allianz Arena it would apparently improve the Reds’ chances of signing another soon-to-be-out-of-contract German midfielder, Schalke’s Leon Goretzka, who has also been heavily linked with Bayern.

Elsewhere, Tottenham will compete with Manchester United to sign out-of-favour Paris Saint-Germain midfielder Lucas Moura (L’Equipe), Watford, Everton and Besiktas are all interested in Leicester City striker Islam Slimani (Star) and, following months of speculation, Mesut Ozil and Jack Wilshere are “close” to signing long-term contracts at Arsenal (Sun). Which could be awkward, because Ozil allegedly wants Wilshere’s No.10 shirt as a condition of signing a new Gunners deal.

@darlingkevin