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Gossip: Luiz 'the key to Aubameyang/Giroud deals', Chelsea 'won't sell Hazard for £200m', Lucas 'jets in to seal Spurs move'

Aubameyang, Luiz, Giroud – up for grabs now (or maybe not)
Aubameyang, Luiz, Giroud – up for grabs now (or maybe not)

So here’s a recap of where we’re at. Arsenal won’t be able to sign Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang unless Borussia Dortmund get a replacement, but Olivier Giroud has refused to be that replacement because his wife doesn’t want to leave London, so Dortmund have turned to Chelsea’s Michy Batshuayi instead, but Chelsea won’t loan them Batshuayi unless they can replace him, and the man they want to replace him is Giroud, but they are not prepared to pay the Gunners’ £35m asking price.

Is there anyone who can sort out this mess?? We need a hero. He’s got to be strong, and he’s got to be fast and he’s got to be fresh from the fight. And, by Jove, the Daily Star have found him!

It’s David Luiz.

Fresh from his fight with Chelsea manager Antonio Conte, the moderately strong and fast Brazilian centre-back has emerged as the lustrously-haired key to solving the Blues’ (and Arsenal’s) deadline day problems.

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The Gunners would reportedly be far more amenable to flogging Giroud to their London rivals if they can get Luiz in return, thereby enabling the Aubameyang and Batshuayi deals to go through too.

Who would you sign for your club? Swipe left or right below.

There are still some quibbles over valuations. While Arsene Wenger is apparently demanding the aforementioned optimistic £35m for Giroud, he only values Luiz at a modest £15m. But we’re sure they could come to some arrangement, as people say in films when they want to have sex with each other in exchange for something else.

Chelsea issue Hazard warning

By contrast, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is refusing to come to any arrangement, sexual or otherwise, with Manchester City over the sale of Eden Hazard. The Telegraph says the Blues will reject all Etihad offers for their Belgian playmaker, even if Pep Guardiola were to offer to break the world record fee of £200m. And even David Luiz can’t change that one.

Meanwhile, Paris Saint-Germain winger Lucas Moura has been spotted at Stansted airport after allegedly jetting in to seal a £25m move to Tottenham (Sky Sports). Spurs evidently had to put him on a budget Ryanair flight due to stadium construction costs.

Everton manager Sam Allardyce has told £25m summer signing Davy Klaassen to leave the club on loan because he “won’t even get on the subs’ bench” at Goodison Park (Star). Charming.

Davy Klaassen has been told he has no Everton future
Davy Klaassen has been told he has no Everton future

The Toffees could also offload another midfielder if West Ham meet their £20m valuation of the out-of-sorts former Man Utd man Morgan Schneiderlin, but so far the Hammers have only shown an interest in taking the Frenchman on loan (Express).

Elsewhere, Juventus chief executive Giuseppe Marotta has revealed the Italian champions have already begun talks to sign the Liverpool midfielder Emre Can on a free transfer at the end of the season (Express), Burnley have made a £10m bid for Nottingham Forest’s 21-year-old centre-back Joe Worrall (Sun) and Man City are set to beat Stoke to the £4m signing of New York City winger Jack Harrison and will immediately send him on loan to Middlesbrough (Mail). So signing for the bigger Premier League club means he doesn’t actually get to play in the Premier League.