Neymar needs a cuddle. Not only has he been knocked out of a World Cup he thought he would win, he is also recovering from terrible physical abuse by opposing defenders – some of whom kicked him so hard that he rolled for miles and miles.

The Brazilian’s situation is so severe that he has suggested he may never “find the strength” to play football again. But fortunately for Ney, he plays for a club that will indulge his every insecurity and desire.

And like a selfless parent driving 200 miles back down the motorway to pick up their crying toddler’s favourite teddy bear, Paris Saint-Germain have identified the perfect man to give their star player the hug he needs. It’s his best mate Philippe!

Spanish paper Mundo Deportivo reports that the French champions will launch a £239m offer to sign Barcelona midfielder Philippe Coutinho, just to keep his fellow Brazilian at the club.

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It would make Coutinho the most expensive footballer of all time, smashing the record PSG already smashed when they signed Neymar from the same club last year, but it’s a small price to pay if it puts a smile back on Ney’s cherubic little face, right?

PSG also believe that Coutinho could help them win that elusive Champions League, while ending the constant speculation about Neymar moving to Real Madrid. At least for a couple of weeks, anyway.

Man Utd want to swap Anthony Martial for Ousmane Dembele

The hard part will be getting Barca to agree to sell, especially at a time when they are allegedly considering offloading last summer’s other mega-purchase, Ousmane Dembele.

The Star says Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has made a “stunning offer” to bring the 21-year-old forward to Old Trafford and is prepared to send fellow France international Anthony Martial to the Nou Camp as a “makeweight” in the deal.

Barcelona are reportedly interested in this proposal but will insist that United also give them either £22m in cash or Red Devils midfielder Ander Herrera, who is “hugely admired” by Barca coach Ernesto Valverde.

As Chelsea’s search for a new manager continues, Antonio Conte’s brother has reminded us that the Blues actually already have a manager (it’s his brother, Antonio Conte).

Despite constant speculation about Maurizio Sarri being appointed as the new gaffer at Stamford Bridge, the Mirror quotes Daniel Conte as saying that Antonio Conte is set to remain with the club for the 2018/19 season. Could be awkward.

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Meanwhile on the rough side of London, West Ham’s new manager Manuel Pellegrini is lining up a triple swoop for former Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere, Borussia Dortmund winger Andriy Yarmolenko and Corinthians’ 26-year-old Paraguayan centre back Fabian Balbuena (Times).

Elsewhere, Arsenal are in talks with Lorient about signing their 19-year-old midfielder Matteo Guendouzi (Sky Sports), Liverpool have “no interest” in signing Aston Villa starlet Jack Grealish (Liverpool Echo) and Nice midfielder Jean Michael Seri has been “spotted” in London amid speculation that Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham and Fulham are all trying to sign him (Star). He probably just fancied a trip to Madame Tussauds – he’s heard the Damian Lewis waxwork is excellent.