One thing we learn as children is that it’s always better to leave a wasp alone. While it might seem tempting to swipe at it, or poke it, or shout at it, or call it a stupid idiot, the wasp is actually far less likely to sting you if you just allow it to do its own thing. But if you try to assault the wasp, retaliation can be brutal.

And it turns out it’s the same with Real Madrid.

Tottenham didn’t just assault Zinedine Zidane’s side on Wednesday; they humiliated them. But at what cost? The European champions are today reportedly planning to avenge their defeat in the best way they know how – by stealing all of Spurs’ superstars.

Starting with the manager. The Mail claims Mauricio Pochettino has been installed as Real’s “No1 target” to replace the under-pressure Zidane, and they want the Argentine to bring Harry Kane and Dele Alli to the Bernabeu with him.

Pochettino is said to have an “excellent relationship” with Real president Florentino Perez, who refers to him as “my Poch”. Or is that just a bit creepy?

The former Espanyol boss would be “tempted” by the prospect of a move to La Liga – as would Alli. The young midfielder is said to be “more open to a move abroad” than Kane, and any move to Madrid could be accelerated if he enlists Jorge Mendes as his new Super Agent.

Abramovich and Conte ‘no longer speaking’

Meanwhile, the Premier League’s other most successful manager of the past 12 months could also be on the move. The Express says Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has “already decided” to sack Antonio Conte and that the pair have barely spoken for weeks.

However, this claim is rebuffed in the Sun, which says a “club source” told the tabloid there is no rift between Conte and Abramovich, and they have been chatting loads.

Two men who have certainly not been chatting loads are Luke Shaw and Jose Mourinho. The left-back has reportedly been cold-shouldered by his Manchester United manager and is seeking a way out of Old Trafford.

The Mirror says Shaw wants to return to Southampton, who could make space for the left-back by selling Ryan Bertrand to Manchester City. United would then make a move for Tottenham’s Danny Rose, unless Real Madrid want him as well.

Elsewhere, Cristiano Ronaldo has denied that he is seeking a pay rise at Real Madrid – that £365,000 a week is working out just fine for him (Goal), Arsenal and Newcastle are battling to sign £15m-rated Paraguayan midfielder Miguel Almiron, who plays for MLS side Atlanta United (Mirror) and Harry Redknapp has hinted he could be interested in taking over at managerless Sunderland, complaining the he is “getting bored” (Talksport). He’d be better of dusting off that Nintendo Wii he used to play on with Jamie.

@darlingkevin