It’s said that there is such animosity between the boardrooms of Tottenham and West Ham that the two clubs won’t even do transfer business with each other. But there is an exception to this rule – and it’s whenever Spurs want to buy the Hammers’ best players.

Or, to put it another way, there is no rule. It’s just something that got reported in a tabloid once and Davids Sullivan and Gold have actively perpetuated ever since because it makes them feel like big gangsters who the top sides actually care about.

But, of course, no one cares about them – it’s just that sometimes they have players that other people want to buy. And one of them is Manuel Lanzini.

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Today’s Mirror claims that Tottenham are “monitoring the progress” of the Argentine midfielder and could swoop for him in January, presumably as an alternative to Ross Barkley.

Spurs boss Mauricio Pochettino has reportedly been a fan of his 24-year-old compatriot “ever since Lanzini scored against his team at White Hart Lane two years ago”.

Because Poch is exactly the kind of flighty, Redknapp-esque manager who decides to buy players just because he saw them score a goal once, isn’t he? (And that goal was an 83rd-minute consolation in a 4-1 defeat, by the way).

Blues swoop for Icardi
Chelsea will launch an £88.6m offer for Inter Milan striker Mauro Icardi in January, according to the Mirror. The Blues will reportedly trigger the player’s release clause and team him up with Alvaro Morata to create “the most deadly strike duo in the Premier League”. Michy Bastshuayi will no doubt enjoy watching that in action.

Meanwhile, Neymar “regrets” his record-breaking move to Paris Saint-Germain because he “doesn’t get on with his team-mates”, says the Sun. All the money in the world can’t buy you friends, see.

The Brazilian is also apparently having problems getting “excited” about life in Ligue 1, compared to La Liga. Winning 3-0 every week can do that to you.

But the best thing about the Neymar article is the following sentence, which is nonsensical even by the Sun’s standards:

“PSG sit top of the Ligue 1 table and are looking to exonerate Monaco would pinched the title from the Paris-based club last season.”

Who’s what now?

It was perhaps as a result of trying to get his head around this sentence that Neymar appeared to break down in tears following Brazil’s friendly victory against Japan last night, telling reporters that rumours of his PSG exit were “false” (Express).

Juventus target Bellerin

Another man who is reportedly unexcited by PSG is Neymar’s mate Philippe Coutinhho (his only mate, by the sounds of it). The Mail says the Liverpool playmaker has asked the Reds “not to sell him to PSG”. Which sounds like a nice, loyal gesture until we learn that it’s only because he wants to sign for Barcelona instead.

Elsewhere, Manchester City’s plan to sign Barcelona utility man Sergi Roberto has hit a small snag after he was offered a new contract with a £350m release clause (Talksport), Bayern Munich’s former Barca midfielder Thiago Alcantara has suggested he is keen on a return to the Nou Camp (Express) and Arsenal right-back Hector Bellerin is a target for Italian champions Juventus (Sun). They have literally used the headline “Bell’s End” for that story. (Let’s see how long it stays up, as it were.)

@darlingkevin