If five-year-olds were allowed to write newspaper headlines, one suspects they would write ones similar to that which appears in today’s Star.
“Karim Benzema likes Arsenal”.
In fact, it seems quite possible from reading the Star that they are actually employing five-year-olds to write their headlines, as well as the rest of the content in the paper.
This would be illegal – an egregious breach of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child – and must, if true, be urgently investigated.
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But in the meantime there are more pressing matters at hand, because Karim Benzema likes Arsenal!
Elaborating on its simple but effective headline, the tabloid explains that the Gunners could “finally” sign the French striker next summer as Real Madrid president Florentino Perez plans to “freshen up his frontline”.
Pres Perez apparently wants to bring Antoine Griezmann and Paulo Dybala to the Bernabeu while allowing Benzema, or possibly Gareth Bale, to leave.
If it’s true that Benzema likes Arsenal, then it must be said he’s got a funny way of showing it. The Gunners have been trying to sign him for the best part of a decade and he has never previously showed any inclination to sign for them. But being shown the door by Perez may change that.
Real Madrid are also said to be interested in German striker Timo Werner, with the Sun reporting that Los Blancos will battle Liverpool to sign the 21-year-old RB Leipzig sensation, who is not to be confused with the US media multinational Time Warner.
Kim Jong-Un tips North Korean invasion
There is further evidence of Lionel Messi’s ascension to Barcelona player-manager in the Express, which says the Catalan giants have “delayed” signing Colombian defender Yerry Mina as his arrival would have placed Javier Mascherano’s starting place under threat – and this would have upset Lionel because Mascherano is his mate.
Meanwhile, the Telegraph has spoken to Nasser Al-Khelaifi, the president of Paris Saint-Germain, who tells the broadsheet with a completely straight face that he is “confident” the club did not break any Financial Fair Play rules by signing Neymar for £200m and Kylian Mbappe on loan (with a view to buy for £165m) within the space of a month.
Elsewhere, West Ham missed out on the chance to sign German international winger Andre Schurrle on loan from Borussia Dortmund on transfer deadline day (Sun), Demarai Gray is set to commit his future to Leicester City by signing a new £50,000-a-week contract (Telegraph) and Manchester City have agreed a deal to sign Kansas City starlet Erik Palmer-Brown in January (ESPN).
Finally, the Mirror reports that podgy dictator and renowned Manchester United fan Kim Jong-Un is tipping an “influx” of North Korean players to arrive in the Premier League. Let’s hope none of them move to Man City, for their sake.