The endless flow of football transfer gossip in our world indicates that the intrepid sports media is constantly uncovering new nuggets of exclusive transfer-related news, and that there is a constant stream of nuggets to uncover.

But in a series of uncanny coincidences, that news always tends to dry up on Mondays. It’s almost as if the fact the papers have something else to write about – i.e. actual football matches – means they stop making up uncovering transfer gossip.

And by another uncanny coincidence, when it’s a bank holiday Monday there tend to be even less nuggets around. Basically, what Hot Football Transfer Gossip is trying to tell you is that there isn’t much to report today.

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But even on the quietest of quiet days, you can always guarantee that Manchester United – god bless their little polyester Adidas socks – will be trying to buy someone. Hello, Yannick Carrasco.

The Star, evidently feeling a bit insecure about the decreased gossip on its pages, declares that “Man Utd go transfer crazy!” This is a reference to an alleged third Red Devils bid for an Atletico Madrid player this week.

Having already swooped for Antoine Griezmann and goalkeeper Jan Oblak, United boss Jose Mourinho is now said to be preparing a “hefty bid” for Belgian winger Carrasco.

Mourinho is also being linked, not for the first time, with a move with his former Chelsea midfielder Willian, who the Star says could “push for a move” away from Stamford Bridge if Antonio Conte continues to leave him on the bench.

Also in the Star (whose journalists are clearly the most intrepid around, or just more committed to making stuff up?), United and Chelsea will engage in a so-called “blockbuster summer transfer showdown” for Real Madrid striker Alvaro Morata, for whom Real will demand £50m.

The Sun finds time in its busy bank holiday schedule to reheat that much-loved old yarn about Karim Benzema signing for Arsenal. The Frenchman is apparently the “prime candidate” to replace Alexis Sanchez at the Emirates. Real Madrid won’t have any strikers left at this rate.

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Meanwhile, Mesut Ozil has revealed he turned down a £100m contract to move to the Chinese Super League, reports Goal. Is the Arsenal contract rebel trying to prove a point following recent reports that no clubs have tried to sign him from the Gunners?

Elsewhere, Dimitar Berbatov has held talks about moving to Premier League basement boys Sunderland (Mail), Black Cats loanee Adnan Januzaj says he wants to stay in the Premier League once Man Utd release him in the summer (Sun) and the father of Schalke’s Sead Kolisanic has denied reports that his son has already signed for Arsenal (Football Italia). The old man evidently believes the left-back’s proposed move would bring great shame on the family.

@darlingkevin