The recent history of the World Cup is littered with heartbreaking penalty misses – Socrates in 1986, Chris Waddle and Stuart Pearce in 1990 and Asamoah Gyan in 2010 for starters – but there’s another failure from the spot which deserves closer scrutiny.

Where did it all go wrong for Diana Ross at Soldier Field during the opening ceremony of USA ’94?

No discussion of the collision between soccer and stateside celebrity that summer can begin without emphasising just how many famous names were thrown at the 15th edition of the World Cup.

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That onslaught began with the draw in Las Vegas the previous Christmas, where Sepp Blatter had to share the headline slot with Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Evander Holyfield and – to what one can only assume is Blatter’s eternal regret – a highly mischievous Robin Williams.

ESPN’s Bob Ley described the administrative jamboree as if “Salvador Dali could produce a state lottery”, but the organisers weren’t concerned about overdoing it: months later, a nationwide poll discovered that 71% of Americans were still unaware that they were hosting the greatest sporting event on the planet.

The opening ceremony – on a brutally hot June day in Chicago – was the last chance to spread the word. Oprah Winfrey had the task of welcoming an estimated 750m worldwide TV viewers to the party, and then introduced Diana Ross to the turf – before falling off the giant soccer-ball podium and twisting her ankle.

Ross, unperturbed by such minor background hiccups, began her fateful journey into penalty-taking infamy. This is where we begin our breakdown.

1) The run-up

Her first mortal error. Many a penalty – usually by overadrenalised centre-halves about to achieve near-earth orbit – has been undermined almost from the very start by starting the run-up from well outside the penalty area. In Ross’s case, she begins her approach fully 80 yards away from the ball.

2) The Anonymous Goalkeeper

With no eagle-eyed officials on hand to preside over this unfolding farce, the anonymous goalkeeper – with more than a hint of desperate, debt-ridden college sophomore about him – makes things even harder for Diana by creeping off his line before the kick is taken.

This is a clear breach of Law 14 of the International Football Association Board’s Laws of the Game. In fact, it would be another three years before this regulation was revised to permit a goalkeeper to move his feet at all before a penalty was taken. These rule-bending Grobbelaarian mind games clearly played their part in Ross’s eventual kick.

3) Supreme overconfidence

In an ominous case of footballing pride preceding a fall, Ross positively oozes complacency as she approaches the ball. The long, lonely, hypermythologised walk to take a penalty should be a sombre affair, but Diana’s already buried the penalty in her own mind. Terminal mistake number two for the former Supremes ace.

4) Encroachment & overelaboration

Law 14 is flagrantly disregarded for the second time, as the opposition (some dressed as satellite dishes, a vulgar boast of America’s broadcasting infrastructure, no doubt) clearly encroach into the area as Ross begins to take the kick. The jumpy Anonymous Goalkeeper – calling upon all his choreography training – remains well off his line.

Meanwhile, in a thumbed nose to all penalty-taking purists everywhere – especially in England, who hadn’t even qualified – Ms. Ross insists on a stuttering final approach to the ball. Only prolific spot-kickers should attempt this, a warning that her army of agents and hangers-on clearly didn’t issue to the ex-Primettes star.

5) Anticipation to devastation

Motown star Ross makes her third critical error. Her kick lacks any element of disguise, and the Anonymous Goalkeeper reads her intentions like a book (and not a very good book either, certainly not Inverting the Pyramid by Jonathan Wilson).

He’s already diving to his right before contact is made with the ball. Rule 14 continues to be treated with utter contempt by all concerned, but that ship had long sailed in the absence of a qualified, FIFA-appointed official.

Distracted by an advancing goalkeeper, the blinding glare of encroaching satellite dishes, and the utter absurdity of it all, Ross’s kick is dragged wide of the left-hand post.

6) Utter pandemonium

Adding to the chaos, as the ball flies wide, the goal-frame begins to self-destruct. What are the rules here? Where’s the referee? Should this be retaken? Who is the mysterious clipboard-wielding figure (bottom right) and what is their role in this farce? Amid all that, the Anonymous Goalkeeper scuttles away, never to be seen or heard from again. Perhaps he was assassinated to ensure his silence.

7) Celebrating anyway

Rampant, deluded egotist Ross – instead of trudging back to the centre-circle to be comforted by her teammates – decides to celebrate regardless, wheeling away behind the now-ruined goalposts and breaking out in a clearly choreographed celebration.

8) Redemption

With time running out, and World Cup holders Germany anxious to get the serious stuff started against Bolivia, Ross atones for her ignominious moment. Faced with a ball-playing midfielder – who looks suspiciously like the Anonymous Goalkeeper, actually – Ross bides her time, refusing to commit to the tackle until the time is right. Finally, N’Golo Ross gets in a crucial toe and the game is over.

Roberto Baggio looks like his world has collapsed after his penalty miss hands the World Cup to Brazil in 1994

That memorable, hype-justifying World Cup, of course, ended precisely as it began: with a superstar losing their nerve from the spot at the crucial moment.

While Roberto Baggio recovered to return with Italy to the biggest stage in 1998, Diana Ross had been bitten by the opening-ceremony bug. In 1995, she was back at the World Cup – the Rugby League World Cup, to be precise – and showing Wembley Stadium her ability to bounce back from adversity.

What a shame she wasn’t asked to attempt a kicked conversion between the posts.

SLIDESHOW: The stadiums of the Russian World Cup (Click image below)