David Coote, the disgraced Premier League referee, has said struggles with his sexuality contributed to the “really poor choices” that cost him his job last year.

The 42-year-old was dismissed by the referees’ body, Professional Game Match Officials Limited (PGMOL), after appearing in a number of videos that were leaked online. In one, Coote insulted the former Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp. In another he snorted a white powder.

In his first interview since the scandal, he did not challenge many of the allegations but added personal context. “I’ve had issues around my self-esteem – and that relates to my sexuality. I’m gay and I’ve struggled with feeling proud of being ‘me’ over a long period of time,” Coote told the Sun newspaper.

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“I felt a deep sense of shame during my teenage years in particular. I didn’t come out to my parents until I was 21. I didn’t come out to my friends until I was 25. My sexuality isn’t the only reason that led me to be in that position. But I’m not telling an authentic story if I don’t say that I’m gay, and that I’ve had real struggles dealing with hiding that.

“I hid my emotions as a young ref and I hid my sexuality as well – a good quality as a referee but a terrible quality as a human being. And that’s led me to a whole course of behaviours.”

Coote said he also feared to come out because of the abuse he would receive in football as a result. “I have received deeply unpleasant abuse during my career as a ref and to add my sexuality to that would have been really difficult,” he said.

The stresses of high-level refereeing only further added to the pressures, Coote said, and he would use drugs as a release. “It’s not something I was reliant on day by day, week by week, month by month,” he said.

“I’ve had long periods where I’ve not used it – but it was one of the escape routes I had. Just getting away from the stresses, the relentlessness of the job. It fills me with a huge sense of shame to say that I took that route.”

“I don’t recognise myself in the cocaine video,” Coote added, confirming the substance he was seen snorting in a video while away working at last summer’s European Championship as a VAR official.

“I can’t resonate with how I felt then, but that was me. I was struggling with the schedule and there was no opportunity to stop. And so I found myself in that position – escaping.”

The former referee continues to deny allegations he had made an agreement with a friend to award a yellow card to a player during a match. Coote is currently under investigation by the FA over the claims.

He told the Sun: “There was no agreement prior to the game. I went and did my job. The player committed a yellow card tackle.”

“I received nothing for it,” he added. “I’m really disappointed that anything like this has come out because it tarnishes the integrity of the game. And whatever people think of me as a referee, as a human I have always gone out and done my best on the pitch.”