‘I’ve never tried to hurt anybody’: no regrets for Henderson on Ajax arrival

There was snow on the ground, frost in the air and a big smile on Jordan Henderson’s face as he was unveiled in Amsterdam. All in all, a far cry from Dammam, Saudi Arabia.

The former Liverpool captain has arrived at Ajax to help a young team throw off recent struggles and return to their customary place at the top of Dutch football. He also hopes to demonstrate strong enough form to secure his place in England’s European Championship squad. Any public reckoning with the consequences of his short-lived move to the Saudi Pro League, however, remains stubbornly down his agenda.

The way in which Henderson has chosen to rationalise his choice to move to Saudi is to frame himself as someone who went to the country to learn. “In life if you want to call them regrets or mistakes you can call them that,” Henderson said when asked during his unveiling at the Johan Cruyff Arena whether he regretted his decision. “They’re only mistakes if you don’t learn from them and I learned a lot of things in Saudi. A lot of different experiences.

Related: January transfer window: Henderson sorry if he let down LGBTQ+ fans, Spurs in Nusa talks – live

“I haven’t got a bad word to say about anybody over there in the league, or the club. I’ll have friends over there that I’ll speak to for ever. There are still positives to come out of it and in the end it didn’t turn out the way we both wanted it to and we ended it on great terms.”

The precise reasons for Henderson’s departure and the specific terms of his separation from the Saudi Pro League are unknown. Likely there were sporting considerations involved, given the strikingly low quality of the revamped Pro League. It is also widely understood that the Englishman had to waive a significant amount of money to make his move. Either way both sides have decided the best way to proceed is amicably, with the Pro League on its part thanking Henderson profusely for his five months of service.

Perhaps that explains, then, why Henderson would give only formulaic and familiar answers when it came to the questions of human rights and his shattered reputation as an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. Asked whether concerns over sportswashing had factored into his choice to return to Europe, Henderson said “that wasn’t the case at all”. Asked, now he was back in a country where homosexuality was not illegal, whether he might look to reach out to the LGBTQ+ community and build some bridges, he chose to avoid the question.

“I said six months ago that if I offended anybody or people felt I let them down then I apologise for that and I’ll apologise again,” he said. “My beliefs have never changed, never will and again I can only apologise. I haven’t changed as a person. I want to continue to focus on football.”

Henderson’s apology is specific: ‘I’m sorry if you’re hurt’, not ‘I’m sorry I did what I did’. It seems unlikely to undo any of the distress he has caused, by giving off the impression that the support for equality is conditional on who is paying your wages. On the other hand, this couched and likely coached response is difficult for inquisitors to get a purchase on. The answers are the same as they have been for the past six months and, maybe, people will soon get tired of asking the questions. (Ditto questions about the money involved in all of this. Asked whether he was moving to the Netherlands rather than returning to England in order to avoid paying tax he said: “Don’t believe what you read in the press.”)

Perhaps the most revealing part of a concertedly circumspect press conference came when Henderson talked about his feelings regarding the controversy that had swallowed him up. “I’m not going to sit here and say I haven’t been hurt but at the same time I understand,” he said. “I do care. People might think I don’t but I do care about other people. I’ve never tried to hurt anybody that was never my intention ever. Of course I’m hurt but it’s part and parcel of life and football. It makes you stronger. I just want to concentrate on getting back to playing football with Ajax and doing the best for this football club.”

There was no doubting that however much Henderson wanted to avoid talking about the past, he was comfortable with the decision he has made this week. Henderson has signed for Ajax on a two-and-a-half-year deal, with the brief to steady and lead through a group of young players who have been scarified by a disastrous opening half to the Eredivisie season but still hope for Champions League qualification at the end of it.

Henderson said he was coming on board because Ajax “is one of the biggest clubs in the world, the biggest club in Holland”. It was a great opportunity, he said, “for me to come to a huge club, try and help this club go forward and be as successful as possible”.

In a notably relaxed mood, he even laughed when one Dutch journalist described him as having “aged like a fine English wine”. The 33-year-old will wear the No 6 in Amsterdam, the former Liverpool captain confessing he had Googled whether his preferred No 14 shirt, once worn by Cruyff, had been retired (it had). If his new number determines a more disciplined holding midfield position than his roving brief at Liverpool then Henderson says he is happy, willing to take on the leadership role at the club formerly occupied by players such as Dusan Tadic and Daley Blind.

“I don’t mind, I’ll do whatever is being asked,” he said of his preferred position. “I’ve played both a lot. Liverpool and England. I’ll switch between the two over the last five years. I am experienced in both positions and whatever the team needs in certain games and whatever the coach decides I’ll do whatever I can.

“They did incredible jobs, Tadic and Blind. They are fantastic players and people. But I don’t want to compare to anybody else. I want to come here and be myself.”

Back in Europe but away from the direct spotlight of English football, Henderson may get his wish to continue to play his game without having to deal with any of the extraneous realities which he had previously seemed keen to engage with. England may likely come calling too. Gareth Southgate picked Henderson throughout the autumn and the player was not in any way evasive about his ambitions for the coming summer.

“I’ve always got the Euros and England in mind,” he said. “It is a big thing playing for my country. That has always been the case wherever I’ve played. I’ve got to do my job on the pitch for Ajax and that is my main priority. I’m going to eat breathe and sleep Ajax.”