What absolutely will happen in the Premier League this weekend
A lacklustre showing from this column last weekend, thanks to Huddersfield and Crystal Palace springing surprises on the road.
Arsenal and Chelsea made harder work of their wins than expected, but we were nearer to the bullseye with Liverpool, Manchester City and Manchester United.
Let’s get stuck into the Christmas fixtures – will everyone get what they wish for?
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Arsenal v Liverpool
Put your mortgage on…
A Christmas cracker, a 4-3, the sort of game that gets replayed for years on whatever they call Sky Sports 3 now, counter-attack upon counter-attack, at least one dreadful penalty decision, and a 93rd-minute winner.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
“They seem to find angles other teams don’t appreciate…”
Liverpool pass Arsenal to death in 1983, before Kenny Dalglish wallops one into the top corner to finish it all off. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Everton v Chelsea
Put your mortgage on…
Sam Allardyce upsetting Chelsea’s applecart again. Everton have won four of their last five, conceding just two in the process, and Gylfi Sigurdsson has remembered how to score from 25 yards. Antonio Conte’s side, meanwhile, went to the wire in the Carabao Cup in midweek, an unwelcome extra Christmas workout that also ruled their top scorer out of this one after a rather silly yellow card.
In summary, a lunchtime kick-off at Goodison Park doesn’t look much fun: Chelsea will be up against it.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
A genuine Christmas cracker from 2006, as Chelsea come from behind to win 3-2 at Goodison Park, thanks to two of the most emphatic goals you could wish for from Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba.
Brighton v Watford
Put your mortgage on…
A depleted Watford to nick it. These two are without a win in 12 Premier League games between them, but Watford’s extended list of absentees is more easily absorbed than Brighton being without the titanic Shane Duffy.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February 2006: Brighton goalkeeper Wayne Henderson wanders into no man’s land…and Watford’s Chris Eagles makes him pay.
Manchester City v Bournemouth
Put your mortgage on…
Win no.17 in a row for City. The midweek extra-time-and-penalties exertions were imposed mostly on their second string (even if Oleksandr Zinchenko looks a bit like Kevin De Bruyne from a distance) but Bournemouth put it all out there at Stamford Bridge the following night.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
A reminder of what they mean when they say “typical City”: In May 1989, they’re 3-0 up and cruising to promotion to Division One with a game to spare…until Bournemouth wake up.
Southampton v Huddersfield
Put your mortgage on…
[INT. MATCH OF THE DAY STUDIO]
“Our final game tonight comes from St Mary’s, where….”
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
Does 2010 count as retro? Why not, eh? Here’s Southampton giving Huddersfield a 5-0 hiding, with the luxury of five different scorers to boot.
Stoke v West Brom
Put your mortgage on…
Mark Hughes earning a stay of execution. If you have one game to save your job, West Brom at home wouldn’t be too far from the top of your list. Expect Hughesy to cling on for another few days at least…
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
What sort of mood do you need to be in to watch Stoke 4 West Brom 3 (1992), soundtracked by “Walkin’ the Dog” by the Flamin’ Groovies? A REALLY CHRISTMASSY MOOD, actually:
Swansea v Crystal Palace
Put your mortgage on…
Managerless Swansea (to give them their full new name) to have their misery compounded. Crystal Palace know all about unusual caretaker managers (Attilio Lombardo and Tomas Brolin, anyone?) but Leon Britton, Swans legend or not, probably won’t be able to turn the tide on his own.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Most likely headline in the morning paper
Aimless Swans devoured by ravenous Eagles
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West Ham v Newcastle
Put your mortgage on…
West Ham putting some much-needed distance between them and the relegation zone. Two rock-solid defensive performances under David Moyes were followed by some goals against Stoke last time out: it’s all coming together for them right now, and you can’t see Newcastle ruining their Christmas spirit.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
A fine piece of Early Rio Ferdinand for you now, as he leaves Robert Lee, David Batty and Warren Barton looking like pub footballers at Upton Park a good 20 years ago…
Burnley v Tottenham
Put your mortgage on…
Spurs to restore the natural order. Few would have expected to find Burnley sitting above Mauricio Pochettino’s side in the table at Christmas time, but they’ll have a James Tarkowski-sized hole in their defence for the next three games.
That might be all the edge that Spurs need as they look to bounce back from being Manchester City’s punching bag last weekend.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
Gorgeous stuff from the British Pathé archives and the 1962 FA Cup final: great hair, great socks, the Wembley pitch immaculate, and the football’s not too bad either.
Leicester v Manchester United
Put your mortgage on…
Mourinho to ring the changes. He questioned the attitude of a few of his players on their bad day at the office against a delighted Bristol City in midweek, and a few detentions culd be dished out. Leicester might be smelling blood…
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
January 1999, and a Treble-hunting Manchester United rock up at Filbert Street. Theo Zagorakis scores a belter for Leicester, but then Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole take over…
