Five things… Cristiano Ronaldo is better at than Lionel Messi


1 Personal grooming
Cristiano Ronaldo has declared that he is better than Lionel Messi, and in many ways he is right. For example, you only need to take one look at the Portuguese forward alongside his Argentine counterpart to realise that the Real Madrid star takes more pride in his appearance. Slick haircut, exquisitely moisturised skin, lusciously bronzed six-pack, nice trousers, Ronaldo likes to look his best at all times. He is also a meticulous shaver - you will never see a hair on Ronaldo anywhere other than his head. Compare this to Messi, whose lack of fashion sense was obvious from the moment he burst onto the scene as a lank-haired teenager looking like a scruffy Foo Fighters fan on his way to the Reading Festival. The only time Lionel looks smart is at the Ballon d’Or ceremony where they force him into an expensive suit and pour some aftershave onto him for when he goes up to collect his award while Ronaldo silently rages.

2 Scoring against Wigan
Messi’s goals-per-game ratio and assists-per-game ratio is superior to Ronaldo’s however you swing it, whether it be in La Liga, the Champions League or internationally. But in total Ronaldo has actually scored more goals than the younger Messi, including against a wider variety of teams. For instance, Ronaldo has notched seven goals against Wigan Athletic, whereas Messi has netted a measly zero goals. Sure, the Argentine may have dinked home hundreds of fancy strikes in Camp Nou, but he has never done it against the likes of Emerson Boyce and Fitz Hall, as Ronaldo often reminds him, probably.

3 Pulling girls
If you’re a sexy model with an unpronounceable name, the chances are you’ve crossed paths with Cristiano at some point. And when we say crossed paths, we mean “had sex”. One of Ronaldo’s greatest hobbies away from the pressures of the football field is sexy models with names like Nereida Gallardo, Luciana Abreu and Bipasha Basu. His last relationship, to sexy model Irina Ahayk, allegedly ended because she discovered he had been texting sexy models in six different countries. Messi, on the other hand, has always given the impression that his ideal woman would be one made entirely of footballs. As she does not exist (yet), he settled for marrying a nice girl called Antonella Roccuzzo in 2008 and his lacklustre swordsman days were officially over. The mind boggles to think how much further Ronaldo has pulled away in the ensuing seven years. This contest is a complete mismatch.

4 Selecting an agent
Ronaldo and Messi have chosen different paths when it comes to their business and financial affairs. Whereas Cristiano enlists the services of so-called super-agent Jorge Mendes, Lionel just gets his dad to take care of things. And although a friendly old dad sounds like a far safer bet than a slimy agent, it’s Ronaldo who seems to have come up trumps. Messi and his old man, Jorge Messi, are due to face trial in Spain for alleged tax fraud totalling £3m, while Ronaldo is so pleased with the work of Mendes that he bought him an entire Greek island as a wedding present earlier this year.

5 Dancing
Whether he’s in a packed Madrid nightclub surrounded by sweaty ladies, or on a yacht in the middle of the ocean wearing nothing but a pair of tiny yellow shorts, Ronaldo loves to boogie. Cristiano has even chosen to showcase his sense of rhythm in the new film ‘Ronaldo’, recently tweeting a clip from the movie in which he throws some shapes while wearing a silver top hat. There’s absolutely no doubt Ronaldo rates his own dancing. Meanwhile, Messi would be more comfortable having a bubble bath with Diego Maradona than he would stepping onto the dancefloor. The Barcelona man has never been known to dance – anytime, or anywhere. While Ronaldo is giving it his best Saturday Night Fever at the Ballon d’Or wrap party, Messi will be sat “with the men” self-consciously looking down at his shoes, whispering to them, “You guys are for football only”.

Dancing is just one of many things Ronaldo is better at than Messi.

But as for football? Nah.

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