When he’s trying to impress girls, Mauricio Pochettino probably tells them he has won four trophies in his management career. Unfortunately, these are all Premier League Manager of the Month awards (October 2013, September 2015, February 2016 and April 2017 if anyone’s interested). Fine achievements in their own way, but probably not enough to make a woman fall in love with you.

For all his tactical and motivational wizardry, The Poch still needs silverware to call himself one of the greats, and he’s currently in charge of a team that has won the sum total of two Rumbelows Cups in the past quarter-century.

If these are the kind of thoughts that swirl around Pochettino’s head at night (and we have it on good authority that he often thinks about Rumbelows – both the cup and the defunct electronics retalier), then he may be interested to read today’s Sunday Express, which says the Tottenham boss is wanted by England’s trophy-winning machines, Manchester United.

The Argentine is reportedly being lined up by the Red Devils as a replacement for Jose Mourinho, who is rumoured to be considering quitting Old Trafford for Paris Saint-Germain.

READ MORE: Woodward faces scrutiny over Jose’s future

READ MORE: Hamilton discusses F1 retirement plans

And even if the Special One doesn’t up sticks to Paris, Spurs still aren’t out of the woods, because PSG would then turn to Pochettino as their second choice.

This would apparently spark some kind of “managerial merry-go-round”, the outcome of which is unknown but – in a worst-case scenario – could result in Gerry Francis returning as Tottenham manager.

Real Madrid want Kane for Bale

In happier news for Spurs fans, the Daily Star Sunday claims Real Madrid have “decided” to sell them Gareth Bale. There is a catch, though, which is that the Lilywhites must send Harry Kane to the Bernabeu in part-exchange. And the other catch is that Bale is always injured, and the other catch is that it’s in the Star so it probably isn’t true anyway.

Worse still, the Sunday Express says Real manager Zinedine Zidane has chosen Spurs midfielder Dele Alli as the “heir” to Luka Modric in his midfield. Because they are just such similar players, right?

If you’re thinking that there cannot possibly be any more transfer news to annoy Tottenham fans, you’re thinking wrong, because the Sun on Sunday claims Arsenal are set to swoop for one of Pochettino’s top targets, Wilfried Zaha. Arsene Wenger reportedly wants the Crystal Palace winger to replace Alexis Sanchez and is preparing a £35m January bid.

READ MORE: Why FIFA 19 may never hit the shops

READ MORE: Morata open to Real Madrid return

Moyes moves for Mirallas

Meanwhile, David Moyes’ West Ham revolution is set to kick off very much like his Sunderland revolution did, as he targets players that used to play for Everton. The Sunday Mirror says the Scot will move for the Toffees winger Kevin Mirallas, while the Sun on Sunday says Moyes also wants Liverpool striker Danny Ings, who to be fair has never played for Everton.

Elsewhere, Chelsea’s long search for a left wing-back has led them to Man Utd’s Luke Shaw (Sunday Mirror), Liverpool midfielder Emre Can is set to snub the Reds’ offer of a contract extension and move to Man City on a free transfer (Daily Star Sunday) and Barcelona have asked City manager Pep Guardiola to sign Neymar from PSG to prevent him moving to their rivals Real Madrid (Sunday Express). Favours don’t get much better than that – it’s a bit like when someone on a diet forces you to eat all their biscuits.

@darlingkevin