Have you reached the point of such extreme boredom with transfer stories about Gareth Bale joining Manchester United that you would rather read Richard Littlejohn’s column in the Mail?

Well there’s good news and bad news.

First, as is traditional, the bad news – which is that you are currently reading yet another transfer story about Gareth Bale joining Manchester United. Sorry.

But the good news is that the story claims the Red Devils are “no longer interested” in the Real Madrid forward, meaning you may never have to read another article about Gareth Bale joining Manchester United again.

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The Independent says it has “been told by those close to the Madrid hierarchy” that the Welshman is no longer seen as “intransferible”, which is definitely not a word in English but apparently is one in Spanish.

Despite Bale’s probable availability, however, he is not likely to return to the Premier League because one-time suitors United now have “close to zero interest” in signing him – mainly down to his age, his cost and the fact that just signed Alexis Sanchez.

Therefore, Bale’s most likely destination if and when he leaves the Bernabeu is Italy, where newly wealthy Internazionale have a “long-standing interest” in him – apparently dating back to the time he destroyed them as a Tottenham player in the 2010-11 Champions League (which sounds highly unlikely but still).

So there you have it: no more transfer stories about Bale and Man Utd ever (and if you believe you’ll believe that Richard Littlejohn has a soul).

Tottenham target £20m West Ham man

Speaking of flying Tottenham left-wingers, the north Londoners are allegedly aiming to bag themselves a new one in the shape (the exact human shape) of West Ham’s Arthur Masuaku.

The Sun says Spurs have launched a £20m bid for the 24-year-old Frenchman (who is actually more of a wing-back than a winger, but then so was Bale once) and view him as potential replacement for the unsettled Danny Rose, who is on Man Utd’s radar.

Chelsea and Monaco have also “watched” Masuaku (presumably at West Ham games and not just on TV) but Tottenham have shown “most interest” in a player whose calves are so muscular that he (and this is true) has to rip holes into the back of his socks to fit them in. He also spits at people sometimes.

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Meanwhile, Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp has insisted that star man Mohamed Salah will not be sold this summer despite alleged interest from Real Madrid (Mail). The German believes there is “no chance” Salah will quit because the Reds’ style “suits him”.

He could be joined at Anfield by AC Milan’s attacking midfielder Suso, who left Liverpool for Serie A three years ago. The Mirror says the Reds are ready to meet the 24-year-old Spaniard’s £40m release to bring him back – which is roughly £39m more than they sold him for.

Elsewhere, Chelsea have “made a move” for Napoli manager Maurizio Sarri as a replacement for Antonio Conte this summer (Mirror), Barcelona are in no rush to start contract negotiations with Man Utd defensive target Samuel Umtiti (Mundo Deportivo) and taxi-stealing, soon-to-be-relegated West Brom centre-back Jonny Evans is “hoping” to join Manchester City this summer (Mirror). It’s important that we all have our dreams.

@darlingkevin