Get ready for chaos in Europe and plotlines more baffling than Inception
THE DREAM IS REAL
Currently adorned by a giant pin map of Europe boasting photos of pensive middle-aged men in gilets, a dizzying array of multi-coloured Post-it notes and thumb tacks connected by what looks like a drunken spider’s web of criss-crossed red string, the wall of Football Daily’s office currently resembles an incident-room crime board from an episode of Vera. With 18 different Bigger Cup matches due to kick off in different locations around the continent at the same time on Wednesday, we’re not about to go into the evening half-c0cked as the new all-singing, all-dancing 36-team group format reaches what promises to be a denouement so dramatic you could cover it in theatrical greasepaint and stage it on Broadway.
Twenty-five of Bigger Cup’s 36 teams are still waiting to learn their fate and assorted As It Stands tables promise to be humming with activity in TV studios across the continent. In the UK, former Scotland striker, TNT Sports pundit and hitherto unheralded human super-computer Ally McCoist has courageously put his hand up to take on the unenviable role of deciphering which goal means what under the pressure of live TV, a gig so stressful that it’s likely to make the final judging section of the Eurovision Song Contest look completely straightforward. With just eight teams out, only two guaranteed their spots in the last 16 and everything else up for grabs, viewers won’t know which game to watch, although Football Daily suspects much of the collective continental public interest will be on Manchester City.
While Liverpool are guaranteed a top-eight spot and Arsenal will have to go some not to join them, Pep Guardiola’s side currently find themselves standing on the precipice of pain, staring into an abyss of ignominy knowing that anything other than victory over Club Brugge will see them eliminated from Bigger Cup at the earliest time of asking. Unbeaten in 20 games, the Belgian champions are not the pushovers many City fans might hope for and need a point to guarantee progress. “I saw some of the games, when they played Aston Villa and Juventus and against Milan they played good,” sighed Guardiola. “They have done really well. Different variations in buildup and man marking – they make it uncomfortable. We would like to score lots of goals in the first 20 minutes but I don’t think that will happen.”
Already guaranteed their spots in the final 24 of Bigger Cup, Aston Villa and Celtic will meet in Birmingham with each side still hopeful of booking serene passage through to the last 16, subject to victory and a series of permutations more convoluted than the plot of Inception. “I am analysing everything, if Tyrone Mings is available he will play,” parped Unai Emery, having just returned from incepting the self-generated idea of an unknacked knee across three layers of his central defender’s dreamscape. “We have enough players to compete and feel confident. With Lucas Digne, he is an experienced player and he can feel confident playing as a centre-back in case we need [to] like Sunday.” With four of the UK’s five teams guaranteed their spots in the early or later knockout stages, only City can crash out but at least their win-or-bust permutation will make Algorithm McCoist’s job a little more simple.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
I’m not telling an authentic story if I don’t say that I’m gay, and that I’ve had real struggles dealing with hiding that. I hid my emotions as a young ref and I hid my sexuality as well – a good quality as a referee but a terrible quality as a human being. And that’s led me to a whole course of behaviours” – former Premier League referee David Coote on how his struggles with his sexuality contributed to the “really poor choices” that cost him his job last year. Meanwhile, Paul Field, chair of the Referees’ Association, believes Coote deserves to still have a continued role in the game.
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FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
As there was no Premier League football on last night I decided to spend my evening looking at photographs on the British Cultural Archive and I happened to chance upon some photos of 90s football culture. I’m well aware nostalgia is a liar that insists things were better than they actually were but it’s still a fascinating look at a simpler, less corporate time” – Noble Francis.
While watching highlights of Brighton v Everton, an advertisement hoarding and shirt sleeve message exhorting viewers to visit a town in Florida caught my attention. At first it seemed like a strange choice, but when I realised how dreary and cold it is along the south coast of England now, it made total sense to encourage people to Kissimmee from where the sun don’t shine” – Peter Oh.
With reference to Stephen Rankin’s comments about Iliman Ndiaye’s Seagull impersonation brightening a dull game (yesterday’s Football Daily letters), I might add that although this is an entertainment business, the referee was not entertained, but rather booked Ndiaye for excessive celebration. Not dissimilar to Richarlison (when at Everton) and his pigeon celebration. Perhaps The Knowledge can weigh in on a player being booked before for impersonating a bird (flightless or otherwise) during a game?” – Mr Hawtree.
How did the referee manage to discern what particular breed of bird Ndiaye was impersonating? Unless I missed him leaping into the stands and nicking someone’s chips” – Kevin Goddard.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winners of our letter o’ the day are … Peter Oh, who wins a copy of Football And How To Survive It, by Pat Nevin. You can buy a copy from Big Website’s bookshop. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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