A wage of £775,000 a week, a virtually guaranteed league title every season and the world’s best croissants can get you a decent life, but it’s not quite enough for Neymar. The Brazilian needs his homeboyz with him too.

Like an annoying kid in the park who is good at football but will only pass to his mates, the Paris Saint-Germain forward has apparently decided he doesn’t like Kylian Mbappe and would rather have his special friend Philippe Coutinho in the team instead.

A ludicrous demand by most people’s standards, but not PSG’s. According to Spanish paper El Pais, the Ligue 1 leaders have reacted by swiftly offering Mbappe to Barcelona in exchange for the player the Catalans just spent a year trying to sign from Liverpool.

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There are several other intriguing claims made in the El Pais article, which says the “naive” teenager Mbappe was the last one to realise the “jealousy” Neymar felt towards him, the poor lad.

The report also says Neymar has literally started refusing to pass to Mbappe in matches, and has even instructed his Brazil team-mate Dani Alves to stop passing to him as well.

As a result, in the recent Champions League match against Real Madrid, the young Frenchman didn’t receive a pass from Alves until the 71st minute. It’s truly hilarious stuff.

But probably not as hilarious as the reaction at the Nou Camp when PSG suggest they offload Coutinho, having just spent £142m on him. Oh dear.

Man Utd ‘reluctant’ to deal with Levy for Alderweireld transfer

Barcelona are also the latest club linked with Tottenham contract rebel Toby Alderweireld, who the Star says is being lined up as a potential long-term replacement for defensive legend Gerard Pique.

But one club who may not be joining the race for the Belgian centre-back is Manchester United – not because they don’t rate him, but because they can’t bear negotiating with Daniel Levy.

The Star says the Red Devils are “reluctant” to deal with the Spurs chairman after “encountering difficulties with him” in the past, such as when they recently tied to sign Eric Dier and Danny Rose. You must be doing something right as a chairman when you are so unpleasant that people actually stop trying to buy your best players.

Chelsea are trying to avoid a contract-rebel-type situation of their own by handing Eden Hazard a mega pay rise. The Mail says the Blues are attempting to fend off interest from Real Madrid by offering the playmaker improved terms worth “around £300,000 a week plus bonuses”.

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However, the slippery Belgian is apparently “waiting to see what Madrid offer” before committing his future to Roman Abramovich. Failure to qualify for the Champions League – a distinct probability following the weekend’s results – might also dent Chelsea’s chances of keeping their star man.

Meanwhile at Arsenal, Arsene Wenger’s prospects of keeping his job are looking increasingly bleak.

The Telegraph says the Gunners board has drawn up a shortlist of possible replacements for the ailing Frenchman including Monaco boss Leonardo Jardim, Manchester City assistant Mikel Arteta, Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers and Germany coach Joachim Low, while the Star says former Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti has his eye on Wenger’s job. How eerily familiar this feels to this time last season.

Elsewhere, Tottenham are ready to bid £35m for Fulham’s left-sided sensation Ryan Sessegnon but the Championship club want £50m (Telegraph), Borussia Dortmund have joined the race to sign Spurs and Arsenal target Malcom (Sun) and West Brom midfielder Chris Brunt has criticised Alan Pardew’s tactics in the Baggies’ recent defeat to Huddersfield (Times). Has any Premier League manager ever engendered less respect among his players? Oh, Alan.