VERY SPECIFIC QUESTION No.16: Would Lionel Messi represent Arsenal's best use of £600,000 a week?

This week’s newspaper claim that Lionel Messi’s preferred Premier League destination would be Arsenal made a pleasant change from the more common allegation that everyone will sign for Man City or Chelsea. The Argentine’s reported wage demands of £600,000 per week - in addition to a transfer fee of about £200m - seem unimportant to fans willing to pay whatever it takes to get the world’s best player to the Emirates. The problem for the Gunners is that they would have to finance the signing using real money, rather than the savings accounts of an oligarch or an Arab prince.

Whereas Roman Abramovich could single-handedly buy Messi for a laugh and not think about the consequences - even a Financial Fair Play fine would just be an inconvenience, like a parking ticket - Arsenal have to consider whether signing Messi makes sense from a business and moral perspective.

Firstly, Arsenal would have to reduce their wage bill to accommodate Messi. The expected departures of Mikel Arteta, Mathieu Flamini and Tomas Rosicky would conveniently free up around £200,000 each week - but that’s still only a third of a Messi. Arsenal’s squad would also be smaller as a result. Arsene Wenger would then have to bear in mind that that attacking midfield is already his team’s strongest area. Realistically, the Gunners would probably have to sell either Aaron Ramsey, Mesut Ozil or Alexis Sanchez to raise the funds for Messi.

Even if Arsenal were prepared to make those sacrifices in order to afford the Barcelona man, they would still have to decide whether he was worth a £30m salary, and so would the club’s fans. The best way to do that is to consider what else they could spend the money on.

A disposable income of £600,000 a week can go a long way, even in the Premier League. Instead of getting Messi, the Gunners could bring in the world’s best available centre-back and defensive midfielder, with money left over for a top striker.

Alternatively, they could use Messi’s weekly wage to feed 3,000 poverty-stricken families in Malawi for a whole year. The Argentine’s annual salary of about £30m could feed and clothe more than 150,000 families. This might not improve the Gunners on the pitch, but they would gain a few fans in Malawi and it could prompt other Premier League clubs to follow suit, ultimately ending the global food crisis, which would be good.

Admittedly, that might not be as personally rewarding for Arsenal fans as seeing Messi pull on the red-and-white, but another option would be for the club to spend £600,000 a week directly on their supporters. Split between the Gunners’ 45,000 season ticket holders, Messi’s salary works out at about £25 per punter per home match. Enough for a free cup of tea, a pie, a goody bag containing a selection of club-branded stationery and a shoulder rub from a professional masseuse. Every game.

In addition, the club could lay on a complimentary, all-you-can-eat biscuit buffet for all fans at all games. Or they could save up the 52 instalments of £600,000 and send all their season ticket holders on a free holiday to the Canary Islands at the end of the season.

Signing Messi sounds like the best thing ever, but are there better things? Would Arsene Wenger rather have three new world class players through the spine of his team, or just one Lionel Messi? Would the club rather sign a multiple Ballon d'Or winner or save the lives of thousands of starving African children? Would Arsenal fans rather have Messi in their team for a few years, or free biscuits forever? These are the questions that Arsenal need to ask themselves.

Even if the answer is predictable: Messi, closely followed by biscuits.

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