Very Specific Football Question No.19: How funny is Gary Lineker?

Describing his philosophy as a footballer, Gary Lineker once explained, “I was only interested in scoring goals. I wasn’t interested in anything else.” But by contrast, the former England captain supplements his latter-day role as a TV presenter by indulging in a prominent side-project of comedy.

Lineker is a man who loves to laugh, and the only thing he loves more is to bequeath the gift of laughter to those around him. That, and crisps. So it is natural that, since taking the Match of the Day reins in 1999, he has frequently injected his own brand of middle-of-the road BBC humour into his sporting analysis.

However, there have been recent signs that Lineker is straying into a dangerous realm of alternative humour that threatens to alienate his viewers and loved ones.

Lineker is most comfortable with simple – if occasionally sickening - puns, such as when Louis van Gaal mistakenly called Queen Park Rangers “Queen Park Raisins”, and Lineker quipped, “That’s a very current joke.” And that’s fine, no one is going to get hurt by him saying that.

His comedy is rarely controversial, apart from that one time he was accused of racism by Arsenal fans after doing an Arsene Wenger impression live in the Match of the Day studio that involved him flailing his arms around while saying in a French accent, “If you don’t like it Mr Wenger - au revoir!” But again, it was all good. Ofcom cleared him of any wrongdoing, and friends privately commended him on the performance.

Twitter has provided the perfect outlet for Lineker’s increasingly insatiable thirst for one-liners, to the extent that he even has to specify when he is not making jokes.

Such as, “Nicklas Bendtner has just scored two goals in the last minute for Wolfsburg. This is not a joke, this is NOT a joke!”

And by and large, Lineker’s amusing tweets – and a sizeable proportion of his studio quips – are enjoyable and inoffensive.

But every comedian is at risk of taking the joke too far. And in the most recent episode of Match of the Day, Lineker crossed the line.

During the studio panel’s analysis of the 1-1 draw between Southampton and Aston Villa on Saturday, Lineker was excited to notice the comic possibilities contained within the name of Saints’ goalscorer Oriol Romeu.

After his guests had wrapped up their assessments of the game, Lineker concluded with a grin: “Romeu, Romeu, how far out were you Romeu?”

Despite being delivered with the panache of a man who has gained the confidence to try out experimental material, it was a risky manoeuvre.

In footballing terms, it was the equivalent of doing a Cruyff turn inside your own penalty area. This is something Lineker would never have done as a player - mainly because he never entered his own penalty area, but also because Terry Butcher would have shouted at him.

And it was quickly evident that, in fellow pundits Danny Murphy and Ian Wright, Lineker had not chosen the most receptive audience for his Shakespearean comic homage. Behind their awkward chuckles were the dead-eyed expressions of confusion and mistrust.

In a way, Lineker was fortunate that his guests were not connoisseurs of 16th century literature – or of comedy – because they would have pointed out that his adoption of the famous line from Romeo and Juliet did not work on a comic or literary level.

This is mainly because was no reason for asking how far out Romeu was; it was plainly evident from the footage that he was just inside the six-yard box.

If Lineker had kept things simpler – perhaps by quoting more directly from the original text and asking, “Romeu, Romeu, wherefore art thou Romeu?” – that could have worked nicely in the right circumstances. But Lineker was impatient. He wanted to use his Romeu joke immediately, despite it not making sense – a fact that deep down he would have known.

Whether Lineker will learn from this calamity is uncertain. His burgeoning status as a broadcasting behemoth gives him carte blanche to take his humour in any direction he pleases, and with total impunity.

But by comparing the successful “current joke” with his floundering Romeu effort, Lineker will be reminded of The Bard’s other advice - that brevity is the soul of wit. That, and pooing yourself on the pitch.

Follow @darlingkevin on Twitter

READ MORE VSFQs

No.18: Why do Valencia love Nevilles so much?
No.17: Does Jose Mourinho Google himself?
No.16: Would Lionel Messi represent Arsenal’s best use of £600,000 per week?
No.15: What on earth happened to Michu?
No.14: Will ‘the Robbie Savage Principle’ change the face of modern football?
No.13: Which injured player has been missed most in the Premier League?
No.12: Would it be a ‘blessing in disguise’ for Arsenal to get knocked out of the Champions League?
No.11: How is Jay Bothroyd going to get back into the England squad?
No.10: What would Rodgers be doing today if Gerrard hadn’t fallen over?
No.9: Why can’t Jose Mourinho win in Newcastle?
No.8: Is Claudio Ranieri actually an evil genius masquerading as a doddery simpleton?
No.7: Where is the real Branislav Ivanovic?
No.6: Which team has had the most disastrous Euro 2016 campaign (even worse than Holland and Greece)?
No.5: How many of Chelsea’s 33 on-loan players will ever become Blues first-team regulars?
No.4: Would West Ham getting £6m for Modibo Maiga be the best piece of business in football history?
No.3: When was the last time no English strikers scored on a Premier League weekend?
No.2: What terrible things would happen if Joey Barton, Kevin Nolan and Andy Carroll were reunited?
No.1: How much did Di Maria and Falcao cost Manchester United per bad touch?