Very Specific Football Question No.24: What song should replace God Save the Queen at England games?

The sight of England’s players mumbling their way through God Save the Queen during their last competitive home match - a Euro 2016 qualifier against Estonia at Wembley in October - should be enough to convince anyone that Roy Hodgson’s side need a new anthem.

Chris Smalling was moving his lips as imperceptibly as Keith Harris with Orville on his arm, Ross Barkley had to read the words off the big screen and captain Wayne Rooney didn’t appear to be singing at all. Only Joe Hart was giving it any welly, but he’s the kind of bloke who would sing along to anything. As rallying cries go, it was about as inspiring as the Spice Girls’ second album.

Aside from the fact that it’s a song celebrating Britain as opposed to England, it’s not difficult to see why God Save the Queen does not evoke the universal affection of other anthems, such as La Marseillaise, Land of My Fathers and the Star Spangled Banner to name a few.

Firstly, it’s not much of a tune. You’d never find yourself humming it, let alone dancing to it. Secondly, it’s relevance to modern English society, which includes its football players, has diminished since it was adopted in the 18th century.

The question we have to ask is: how high on the list of Raheem Sterling’s priorities is sustaining the reign of Queen Elizabeth II? The answer is probably: somewhere below how good his sideburns are looking.

The anthem’s lyrics are good if you really really really like the Queen and are routinely concerned for her well-being, but most of us are probably satisfied that the monarch can look after herself. She’s almost 90 and she’s still working, after all. Plus she’s got a nice house, a big family around her and a hat collection large enough to keep Pharrell Williams amused. She doesn’t need God to save her.

A few predictable alternatives to God Save the Queen were suggested as MPs debated the issue in Parliament on Wednesday.

Jerusalem is a worthy frontrunner, although it brings back memories of ITV Sport’s Euro 1996 coverage, and anything that conjures ITV Sport’s football coverage is a bad thing.

Rule Britannia has dated even less well than the Spice Girls’ second album, hailing an empire that has long since crumbled.

Land of Hope and Glory is another option, although it contains words like “extol” and “thee”, which just don’t sound right coming out of Harry Kane’s mouth.

One way to summon the enthusiasm of the England players would be to change the anthem to a song they like, but their taste fluctuates and cannot be trusted. Kane, for example, has admitted to being a Justin Bieber fan, while Rooney loves the Wales-supporting Stereophonics.

When Hodgson’s players created a playlist for the 2014 World Cup, Michael Carrick chose Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke and Glen Johnson went for a UK Garage track, neither of which are appropriate. Jack Wilshere’s choice - Money on My Mind by Sam Smith - was at least something that all footballers could relate to, but it’s a bit poppy to be a national anthem.

All of which means the anthem will probably stay as it is, which will be a relief to the contingent of England fans who also count ‘No Surrender’ among their favourite terrace ditties.

But there is a more melodic alternative out there. A song that was once sung with pride by England fans on the terraces, but whose suggestion would now be met with vitriolic disapproval.

It was written by a couple of Americans and is sung at football grounds from Bruges to Tokyo, but it is nonetheless the anthem most synonymous with the passion and the glory of English football.

The song is You’ll Never Walk Alone.

Re-watch some England’s most memorable matches from the past 30 years, such as the semi-finals against the Germans in 1990 and 1996, and you might be surprised to hear England fans singing it in the stands.

It would never happen now, of course, because football has changed since then. It’s the anthem of the Scousers, and apparently nobody likes them. The ever-increasing hegemony of English club football over the international game means that fans’ bitter tribal rivalries prevent them from embracing the things cherished by other clubs.

And yet, most Arsenal fans will be cheering on Kane if he scores in France this summer, just as most Liverpool fans yearn to see Rooney lift the Euro 2016 trophy.

England’s adoption of You’ll Never Walk Alone may be viewed as a step too far by many, but it’s the best football song we have. And not too long ago, it was a song for everyone.

Follow @darlingkevin on Twitter

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