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Five things… Jose Mourinho could learn from Donald Trump
1 Ignore logic
The election of Donald Trump as US president will impact the world in several ways – most of them too complicated and horrible to contemplate in a 700-word football article - but among them is that this historic event will redefine what it means to be a “leader”. The businessman’s unorthodox methods for winning the hearts of a nation were ridiculed by most analysts, but they proved highly effective. As such, a generation of struggling authority figures may now be tempted to use Trump’s tactics to boost their own flagging status. And when it comes to languishing leaders in football, they don’t come much bigger than Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho. Lesson one he can take from Trump is that the established logic on being a leader can henceforth be ignored. Jose can rip up the rulebook, say whatever he wants and go literally crazy. But where to start?
2 Build a personality cult
Trump invests huge resources into ensuring that no one can forget his name (or his face, or his hair). Trump towers, Trump airplanes, Trump baseball caps, Trump sex dolls (yep, really) - the 70-year-old has enriched his profile by making himself the star. Mourinho was onto a good thing when he launched his “Special One” brand back in 2004, but his PR offensive has tailed off since then and he increasingly resembles a bog-standard normal man. It’s time to think bigger. A statue would be a good place to start (if Michael Jackson got one at Fulham…), then perhaps some entrance music (adapting existing Old Trafford Stone Roses song ‘This is the One’ to include the word ‘Special’ shouldn’t be too hard) and maybe a new catchphrase too (e.g. “Wenger/Guardiola/Klopp is a nasty man”). Top it off with a ridiculous haircut and a younger wife, and people should really start listening to him.
3 Embrace xenophobia
Trump arguably gained his largest numbers of election votes with two controversial yet very simple messages: Muslims are dangerous, Mexicans are bad. His election success, coupled with the UK’s recent Brexit vote, has proven that xenophobia – a posh word for racism - is alive and well across the globe. Mourinho is perfectly positioned to take advantage of this trend because his workplace is swarming with foreigners. Marouane Fellaini with his silly Belgian hair, Henrikh Mkhitaryan with his convoluted Armenian name and Antonio Valencia with his infuriating Ecuadorian face. Mourinho could pledge to offload these underperforming migrant workers and restore a pure British core to his side – built largely around Phil Jones. The only downside is that Mourinho may have to sack himself, but there are ways around that…
4 Don’t be afraid to lie
Whether claiming he’s the world’s biggest respecter of women or tweeting fabricated “police statistics” about murders perpetrated by black people, Trump was not shy about being economical with the truth if and when it suited him. And the best bit is that he was rarely held to account for anything he said. Honesty is evidently an overrated trait in the leadership game, so Mourinho may as well go for it big time. Announce that Lionel Messi has “agreed to come”, reveal that he donates all his wages to orphans, claim that Sir Matt Busby in his third cousin. Anything to make people like him more. Fostering a conspiracy theory is another good one, although Mourinho already has a head start on that one.
5 Populist rhetoric
In recent seasons, Mourinho has become a bit of downer in his press conferences and post-match interviews - the snazzily dressed, wise-cracking stud of yesteryear having been gradually worn down by life. But Trump has proved that positive energy alone can win you support, without the need for substance. The reality TV host is a master of telling people what they want to hear, whether he’s vowing to take on the Chinese, deport Hispanic “criminals” or “bomb the s*** out of ISIS”. Boom! Therefore, Mourinho’s popularity would presumably rocket if he made some similarly big, bold promises that the fan can really get behind. Scousers to be banned from Old Trafford, a million Chewits for anyone who buys a replica shirt, Memphis Depay to be waterboarded whenever he has a bad game. It doesn’t really matter what the promise is, as long as the people are persuaded, somehow, that this is the way – and this is the manager - that will Make United Great Again.
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