Very Specific Football Question No.42: Should West Ham never break their transfer record again?

When Andre Ayew went running off down the Stamford Bridge pitch on Monday evening without a care in the world, he could not have known that he was the victim of a curse.

But the sight of West Ham’s £20.5m man disconsolately hobbling off moments later - 35 minutes into his Hammers debut - would not have surprised anyone with a passing knowledge of the club’s transfer history.

Since the dawn of the Premier League the Hammers’ record signings, of which Ayew is the latest, have known nothing but misery. And not just because they have to live in Essex.

West Ham announced on Wednesday that Ayew has suffered a “significant injury” and will be out for several months. Just from running.

But several months is not so bad really. The Hammers’ previous record signings have suffered far worse fates.

Think the idea of a curse sounds silly? Check out the evidence.

1993
Dale Gordon, £750,000
The Hammers’ first record signing of the Premier League era, “Disco” Dale was an unmitigated flop. He made 11 appearances in three seasons due to injury, and when he did play he offered nothing but pointless stepovers - the crowd eventually taking to sarcastic cheers whenever he did one. Brutal.

1994
Joey Beauchamp, £1.2m
A promising winger who decided, a matter of days into his Hammers career, that London was too far away from his hometown (and previous club) Oxford and that he was homesick and wanted to go back and see his mummy. Unfortunately, Oxford couldn’t afford to buy him back so he ended up making a cut-price move to Swindon, because that was as close to home as he could get. The distance between Upton Park and Oxford is 75 miles.

1994
Don Hutchison, £1.5m
Most famous contribution was stripping naked and covering his private parts with a Budweiser beer label during a trip to Ayia Napa. Also got booked a lot. Then was sold.

1996
Florin Raducioiu, £2.2m
Was frequently injured, scored a total of two goals and famously went on a shopping trip to Harvey Nichols in central London when he was supposed to be in the matchday squad. Time waster.

1999
Marc Vivien Foe, £4.2m
Good player and popular figure who died four years later.

2001
Don Hutchison, £5m
Again?! Yep, this is not a typo. The legendary Glenn Roeder smashed the transfer record to re-sign the older version of Don Hutchison, who lumbered about for a few months and then suffered anterior cruciate injury that effectively ended his Hammers career. The club still paid him £50,000 a week for a few more years though.

2001
Tomas Repka, £5.25m
Hot-headed Czech whose erratic defending and temperament helped get the club relegated in his first season. He improved in the Championship.

2006
Dean Ashton, £7.25m
Outstanding talent who seemed on the verge of greatness when he earned his first England call-up in 2006. Broke his ankle after being tackled by Shaun Wright-Phillips in his first Three Lions training session. Never recovered, retired at 26. The curse was strong with this one.

2007
Craig Bellamy, £7.5m
Actually Bellamy did OK and was sold to Manchester City for a tidy profit. He remains the only player to have successfully warded off the curse, presumably with his own witchcraft or by simply beating it to death with a golf club.

Or maybe the curse was just toying with West Ham, because Bellamy’s sale led directly to the signing of…

2009
Savio Nsereko, £9m
Widely regarded as the weirdest signing in Premier League history. Gianfranco Zola was somehow persuaded that the teenager, who had played a few games in Serie B for Brescia, was the next Gianfranco Zola. Left east London after a few months and has since popped up in Bulgaria, Romania, Kazakhstan and Lithuania. Oh, and he reportedly faked his own kidnapping in 2014.

2012
Matt Jarvis, £10.75m
Didn’t get injured that much, was just a bit pants.

2013
Andy Carroll, £15m
Wasn’t pants, but did get injured a lot. A LOT.

2016
Andre Ayew, £20.5m
Out for four months with a thigh injury sustained on debut.

Coincidence? Perhaps, but it will be a brave player who makes a £25m move to east London anytime soon. £20.4m might be more sensible.

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