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Very Specific Football Question No.43: Is anything in football immune from sponsorship?

Since Liverpool agreed to let Hitachi plaster its name on the front of their sacred red shirts in exchange for money back in 1979, football sponsorship has come a long way.

At the time, some observers probably found it silly that an English football team had agreed to run around bearing the name of a Japanese electronics company that had no connection to anything that had ever happened at Anfield. But it wasn’t long before everyone was doing it.

Hafina, AVCO, Vaux, Mita copiers – a motley selection of brand names that became part of our fabric without anyone ever being sure what they actually made or did.

But shirts were just the start. Soon it was trophies, leagues, stands and stadiums having their identities hijacked by a seemingly random selection of businesses whose only trait in common was obscene wealth.

And it hasn’t ended yet, proof of which arrived on Friday when Zenit St Petersburg – one of Russia’s most successful clubs – allegedly received a proposal from a well-known company.

Under the terms of the proposal, Zenit would change its name to Zenit Burger King.

How we all laughed. Zenit Burger King! Hahaha. What an utterly ridiculous notion, and Zenit mercifully said thanks but no thanks to the reported £6.8m whopper deal.

But would it have been any less ridiculous than being called Red Bull Salzburg? It certainly isn’t sillier than being called Total Network Solutions.

Make no mistake, the traditional club name is already under threat from sponsors. So where will this madness end?

Potentially, there is no end.

You only call the Emirates Stadium the Emirates Stadium, which as everyone knows is where Arsenal play football, because a very rich Arab airline wants you to. And you accept it.

German club RB Leipzig didn’t even exist until seven years ago when they were conceived by Red Bull. Now they’re playing in the Bundesliga and signing Britain’s most promising young players. You accept that too.

There is seemingly nothing that can’t be achieved in football as long as you throw enough money at it – and money is the solitary commodity that sponsors provide.

Perhaps Zenit might not want to be called Zenit Burger King, because that’s the place people go and buy chips when they’re drunk, but they might be more open to the idea of, say, Zenit Coca-Cola.

And if Zenit Coca-Cola use their increased wealth to dominate the Russian championship, an offer to become CSKA Sprite might be too good for their rivals to turn down.

It’s worth noting that revered clubs like PSV Eindhoven and Bayer Leverkusen have been named after brands since their inception, so is it really that far-fetched that Premier League clubs will one day follow suit?

All it takes is one greedy chairman to sell out, and the rest will follow.

In 1979 it was Liverpool who sold their soul, today it would probably be MK Dons. Or MK Quavers as they would be henceforth known.

Once MKQ gained promotion to the top flight boosted by all that cheesy crisp money, Daniel Levy would undoubtedly be the next to crack.

Samsung Spurs has a nice ring to it, much nicer than Peperami Palace. But aesthetic quality would be far less important than financial packages in the world of sponsored club names.

Before long, Whiskas City would be taking on Reggae Reggae Sauce United and no one would even remember what they were called to start with.

Then you have the players.

Already ensconced in the warm bosom of generous boot sponsors such as Adidas and Nike, what’s to stop Paul Pogba earning some extra dough by becoming Paul ‘Alpen’ Pogba?

Mino Raiola will happily sort out the deal right now if his client wants it – the super-agent no doubt knows people who know people in breakfast cereal circles.

Managers would want a piece of the pie and a spoonful of the muesli too. Everyone would.

The universe where Owen Radisson Hotels Coyle leads Pilgrims Choice Rovers out at Toni&Guy Park in the Sky Bet Championship is not a facetious fantasy; it’s the future.

Follow @darlingkevin on Twitter

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