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It’s almost as though we’re only halfway through a strange season
MANIC FIVER
The Fiver would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Manchester City on winning the Premier League (2021 Late-January) title, deposing Premier League (2021 Mid-January) champions Manchester United after an intense 26-hour period of action. Ole Gunnar Solskjær’s side had been anointed as the best team in the country, pretty much, if the mood music was anything to go by, following some deflected goals against Wolves and Burnley. But in the wake of Wednesday night’s shock home defeat to Sheffield United, the mantle has been well and truly wrested from their grasp by their rivals across town after a seven-match winning streak consisting of victories over the likes of Newcastle, West Brom and Frank Lampard’s version of Chelsea.
Related: 'There was no magic': Solskjær criticises Manchester United after shock defeat
We belabour the point slightly, but you get the general gist. It’s almost as though we’re only halfway through a very strange season and it’s probably best not to make too many assumptions too soon. Mind you, it’s still possible to understand how folk think City might run away with it from here. Like David Puddy’s jacket, all signs point to yes: Pep Guardiola’s rejuvenated team have won their last 11 matches in all competitions; Leicester striker Jamie Vardy has been boiled down for glue; and Manchester United’s defence has started running predetermined patterns like the toilet seats in Eugene’s Lair, allowing Oliver Burke to channel his inner Miner W1lly and roof a winner into the Old Trafford net. And yes, The Fiver is acutely aware of its urgent need to update its cultural references; to this end we’ve already written a great gag about Meyer from Super Tennis on the Snes, we’re just waiting for the opportunity to drop it in.
A couple of teams are lurking, though, waiting to take advantage of any mistimed jumps or backhand cross-court volleys W1lly/Meyer/City might make [stop it, stop it now – Fiver Ed.] There’s a summit meeting on Thursday night between Liverpool (Premier League champions December 2020) and Tottenham Hotspur (First Division winners 1961) that could go some way to deciding whether either team launches a bid for the February 2021 prize. Spurs look the more likely, having recently beaten Brentford and Marine and narrowly avoided defeat at Wycombe, all of which goes some way to describe Liverpool’s recent form. However, Jordan Henderson and Joel Matip are back for the Reds, while Spurs have some unspecified knack concerns that José Mourinho is being uncharacteristically coy about. So you never know. We’ll tell you the result on Friday, when we’ll also workshop some cutting-edge routines about the VIC-20 and ColecoVision.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If Levi makes it I can die a happy man. I’ll be so pleased, so proud. He’s got a little way to go but, if he wants to be a footballer as much as his dad wanted it, then he won’t go wrong” – a properly heartwarming chat across three generations with Jimmy Tindall, who formed the legendary Senrab FC, along with son and Bournemouth boss Jason, and grandson Levi.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly Extra is hot out of the podcast production wires or however they make it.
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Send your letters to the.boss@ .com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day prize is … Rollover.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Police in Italy are investigating a potential breach of Covid regulations by Cristiano Ronaldo after he allegedly travelled between the regions of Piedmont and Valle d’Aosta on a trip for his girlfriend’s birthday.
Arsenal are in the dark as to whether their Big Vase tie against Benfica will be moved to a neutral venue for a one-legged showdown after Portugal was placed on the UK’s Covid “red list”.
Tommy T’s first Chelsea game is in the books, not that there was much to write home about in a 0-0 draw with Wolves. “I was very happy with the performance,” he soothed. “Energy-wise, we had I think 16 recoveries in the last third.”
Naomi Osaka is a new owner of NWSL team, the North Carolina Courage. “The women who have invested in me growing up made me who I am today, I don’t know where I would be without them,” cheered the three-time grand slam tennis champion.
Hibs have a right funk on after the notoriously timid Alfredo Morelos escaped punishment for an apparent stamp, and then inevitably went on to score in the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers’ 1-0 Scottish Premiership win. “I haven’t had time to look at any of the incidents,” honked $tevie Mbe. “I remember a few from both sides.”
And Coventry defender Jordon Thompson could be out for as long as three months after an accident in the training-ground showers. “His foot slipped in his flip-flop and went down the grid and he has sliced his toe,” sighed Mark Robins, as everyone reading this collectively sucked in their breath.
STILL WANT MORE?
There is a new rivalry in Spain: Sid Lowe discusses Real Madrid Women’s growing reputation as they look to take on Barcelona.
There is some hope for Kai Havertz after Thomas Tuchel’s debut as Chelsea coach, writes Barney Ronay.
Why would you leave Blighty behind to coach in Spain? Oh. Well, Alex Clapham had a few reasons either way.
Get your fix of hot transfer gossip with today’s Mill.
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