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Chased naked over fields of broken glass by a cackling Thomas Tuchel
THE FIVER’S LATEST BID FOR THE PULITZER
At 6.45pm on Saturday evening, the Fiver squinted slightly, adjusted its glasses, tilted the piece of paper it was holding in order to catch a little more light, and eventually came to the conclusion that, yes, he really has done that. Again. Oh Pep! It’s a dance the Fiver will be performing again later today, when Gareth Southgate unveils his 26-man England squad for Euro Not 2020 at the slightly unfortunate time of 5pm. Erm.
To be fair to the naturally cautious Southgate, he’s extremely unlikely to name a squad without any holding midfielders in it, with a view to sending a team out in a formation that came to him after that fever dream in which he was chased naked over fields of broken glass by José Mourinho, Jürgen Klopp, Mauricio Pochettino and a cackling Thomas Tuchel. Southgate isn’t totally risk-averse, though, and seems determined to gamble on Harry Maguire, who has knack, and Jordan Henderson, who hasn’t played a single minute of football since Liverpool got good again. Oh Gaz! The Fiver isn’t feeling this.
Related: England’s Euro 2020 squad: Greenwood withdraws, no Ward-Prowse or Lingard
The expected omission of dead-ball supremo James Ward-Prowse and the in-form Jesse Lingard will almost certainly force the Fiver into more nose-wrinkling and spectacle readjustment, though the mood music sounds more encouraging for Trent Alexander-Arnold, whose absence on the list would elevate the Fiver to a new realm of performative disdain, perhaps involving ear steam and a revolving bow tie. We’ll know what Southgate’s done for sure at 5pm today, and the Fiver will tell you all about it at 5pm tomorrow. We’ll also have more on the big fire at the Reichstag, as well as the latest from Dallas where the motorcade carrying the president, smiling and waving, has just swung a left on to Dealey Plaza.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Barry Glendenning for hot name-by-name coverage of Gareth Southgate’s England Euro Not 2020 squad announcement, starting right about now.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“With his line-up, [Guardiola] stole [Big Cup] from the club and the fans and he has to rightly listen to the harsh criticism from all sides. The players will doubt him after that final. He had to try something again, present an imaginary ingenuity at the worst possible moment, and totally deserved to lose” – Lothar Matthäus doesn’t pull any punches with his verdict on Pep Guardiola’s Big Cup final selection.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
Plutocrats 1-0 Bucket Hats: it’s David Squires on Chelsea’s Big Cup final win over Manchester City. Grab a Gazprom and get reading.
FIVER LETTERS
“The Fiver has always been pretty fair with Gareth Southgate, even to the extent of not taking liberties with his penchant for waistcoats. However the respect is clearly not reciprocated. How frustrating it must be for a teatime football blog that the England squad will be announced at 5pm tonight” – John Myles.
“If the Europa Conference thingy is, as Alistair Moffat (Friday’s letters) mentioned, a pointless exercise and nobody will be interested after three games, shouldn’t it be called the Europa Full Members’ Cup?” – Andrew Want.
“The Europa Conference doo-dah is not really big, is it? With no disrespect to either Tottenham, Partizan Tirana or any other likely winners [Spurs? – Fiver Ed], I feel that Small Vase does the job” – Jonathan McKinley.
“How about Big Waste? You must admit, it has a certain ring to it” – Hanif Khan.
“Regarding the Europa Conference thingy. Big Crock?” – Jon Millard.
“At least two recent missives have mentioned renaming ‘the Europa Conference thingy’ [make that three – Fiver Ed]. I think they may have found a solution: introducing the Europa Conference Thingy” –Ike Proud.
“A big blow for fans of nominative determinism as both The Strongest and Always Ready finished bottom of their Copa Libertadores groups” – Noble Francis.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com, or tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner receives a copy of A.D. Stephenson’s footballing comedy-thriller novel, A Cloud Can Weigh A Million Pounds. Congratulations to … Ike Proud. More copies up for grabs this week!
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
It’s a bank holiday Football Weekly! Max and Barry are joined by Barney Ronay and Jonathan Liew to talk Big Cup, Euro Not 2020 and play-off finals. Listen here!
RECOMMENDED BOOKING
Speaking of which, tickets are available now for Football Weekly Live’s Euro Not 2020 preview special on 10 June. Get them while they’re hot.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Ethics World Cup latest: migrant security guards in Qatar are still being paid less than £1 an hour.
Netherlands keeper Jasper Cillessen has been ruled out of Euro Not 2020 after testing positive for Covid-19. The Valencia stopper has been replaced in the Dutch squad by AZ Alkmaar’s Marco Bizot.
Meanwhile, John McGinn has tested positive for Covid-19 and is self-isolating within Scotland’s Euros camp. “[The team doctor] is 99% sure John brought it with him into the camp,” said Steve Clarke.
Eric García has joined Sergio Agüero in leaving the Manchester City bench for a free transfer to Barcelona. Gini Wijnaldum, formerly of Liverpool, seems sure to follow them.
Don Carlo will end his quest for the Everton Cup to become Real Madrid manager again, once Florentino Pérez thrashes out a compo deal with Goodison Park suits. Nuno Espírito Santo is a name in the frame, while former Toffees manager David Moyes is set to sign a new deal at Taxpayers FC.
Fun and games in South America dept: the 2021 Copa América is on to its third host, with Brazil stepping in after Colombia, and then Argentina, were taken off the gig. Kick-off is in 12 days. “This is shameful” was one commentator’s verdict.
Is Gareth Bale hanging up his boots and putting on his golf shoes full-time after Euro Not 2020? You’ll have to wait to find out. “If I say something then it’s just going to cause even more chaos so there’s no point,” he tooted.
Wales interim manager Robert Page isn’t taking any chances with the likes of Aaron Ramsey before their opening game. “We have to be sympathetic. We cannot push him at 100mph to start with,” Page mused.
And in a blow for Ajax’s Big Cup ambitions, pundit Kenneth Perez has revealed that Pep Guardiola is “completely crazy” about the Dutch masters. “He cannot disguise his fascination for Ajax,” Perez smirked to ESPN.
STILL WANT MORE?
It’s the Euro Not 2020 Experts’ Network! Catch up with team guides for Italy, Switzerland, Turkey and Wales, plus in-depth profiles of key players.
The summer women’s transfer interactive is go!
Lille won the league and Irvin Cardona scored a worldie that has to be seen. It’s the Adam and Erics for the Ligue 1 season. And there’s the Bandinis for Serie A too.
Barney Ronay salutes Chelsea’s ‘false four’, the unstoppable N’Golo Kanté, while Jonathan Wilson assesses the Big Cup tactical battle and David Hytner looks at where City go from here.
Nikita Parris is going for, going for gold at the Olympics with Team GB, who her sister Natasha Jonas represented as a boxer at London 2012.
Yannick Bolasie gets his chat on with Ed Aarons about a new Crystal Palace documentary and why he hopes to go back to Selhurst Park.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
