The curious incident of Son Heung-min at the ping-pong table

ZOMBIE TABLE TENNIS?

As the talisman for South Korea in their ill-fated Asian Cup campaign, Son Heung-min has had a difficult start to 2024. After a group stage in which the Taeguk Warriors drew with Jordan (world ranking: 87) and Malaysia (130) to scramble through in second place, it was their captain who fronted up for the traditional mid-tournament squabble with assorted hacks. “We are working very hard on the pitch. We are trying to give everything for the fans, for the country,” Son roared. “Some of the boys are being criticised or receiving comments that at times cross the line a little.” A disjointed team managed at arm’s length by Jürgen Klinsmann, South Korea then found a kind of anti-momentum, ‘zombie football’ helping them find a way past Saudi Arabia and Australia. As other big names crashed out, Son’s side looked set to ‘do an Ivory Coast’ before even Ivory Coast had done so. But much like Peter Andre in the mid-noughties, they couldn’t escape Jordan, who beat them 2-0 in a miserable semi-final rematch.

While Klinsmann breezily proposed a chat with the Korean FA about “what was good and not so good in the tournament”, Son was left to carry the can. “I don’t know what to say really. I am so sorry,” he sobbed. After the ignominy of going out to a team whose assistant coach asked for a photo with him, the embarrassment was not quite over for Son. It’s now emerged that a number of his younger teammates in Qatar did cross a line before the semi-final – one guarded with a miniature net. A Korean FA suit has explained that during a pre-game dinner, “some young players went up to play table tennis … Son and other older players took issue with it. The players exchanged a few words and Son hurt his finger in the process.” With Son perhaps justifiably sick and tired of apologising for his teammates’ mistakes, PSG forward Lee Kang-in stepped up this time. “I’m just sorry for showing football fans a bad image. I apologise to the many people who were disappointed by me,” Lee wrote on Social Media Disgrace Instachat. To which we would say: look, it’s hardly the Dentist’s Chair, is it?

Son is now back at Tottenham but still had his fingers strapped during Saturday’s win over Brighton. It’s unclear exactly how and when it happened – although anyone who has stayed at a British holiday park knows table tennis can be brutal. It also feels strangely on-brand for a largely likable and responsible player with a penchant for the occasional dodgy tackle. The curious incident of Son at the ping-pong table at least earns the forward an immediate place in the football freak-knack hall of fame, alongside the likes of Alan Mullery (toothbrush), Rio Ferdinand (coffee table), Dave Beasant (salad cream), David Batty (toddler), Kirk Broadfoot (hot egg) and Steve Morrow (Tony Adams). Now he’s back in England, Son will simply be hoping for a stress-free and stable domestic run-in with … ah.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“We are talking about a small group but I think they should stay at home if they are going to be like that, because it clearly affected the players on the pitch. It was just unacceptable in my view … I think I deserve more respect too” – Norwich boss David Wagner gets the funk on with some Canaries fans who were less than supportive towards his substitutions during the 4-2 win over Watford which has lifted them into the Championship playoff places.

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