Dame Deborah James has said in her posthumous book that her “periods of frequent, crippling panic attacks” stopped when she was diagnosed with incurable cancer.
The podcaster and campaigner, known by her social media handle Bowel Babe, died on June 28 at the age of 40 after suffering from bowel cancer.
In an extract from her forthcoming book How To Live When You Could Be Dead published in The Sun, she wrote about living with anxiety for most of her life.
Dame Deborah said she had once suffered a panic attack while in the changing room of a Karen Millen store in London’s Covent Garden, causing her to flee on to the street in her underwear.
I had no choice any more - I had to look my biggest fear straight in the eye
Dame Deborah James
She added: “I often woke up in the middle of the night already in the grip of an episode, believing my body was dying.
“The great irony, of course, being that when I was younger and not facing death, my fear of it was so uncontrolled that quite often it stopped me from living.
“I stayed at home when I should have been out enjoying myself, I missed holidays because of my fear of flying. Do you know what finally ‘cured’ me?
“The worst happened and my fear was realised – I was told I had incurable cancer and that I would die.
“I had no choice any more – I had to look my biggest fear straight in the eye.”
In a letter to her two children also published in The Sun over the weekend, Dame Deborah encouraged them to “marry only for love”.
The podcaster was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2016 and subsequently kept her one million Instagram followers up to date with her treatments.
Her candid posts about her progress and diagnosis, including videos of her dancing her way through treatment, won praise from the public and media alike.
In early May, she revealed she had stopped active treatment and was receiving end-of-life care at her parents’ home in Woking.
How To Live When You Could Be Dead by Deborah James is published on August 18.