Edinburgh hockey star Amy Costello back from brink after Tokyo heartache

AS Amy Costello stood behind the barriers at the Oi Hockey Stadium in Tokyo watching her teammates get presented with Olympic bronze medals, there was an overwhelming sense of what might have been.

Then 23, the Edinburgh hockey star travelled to Japan as a reserve with Team GB three years ago, doing everything she could to support her teammates while knowing that any silverware would not come her way.

It was an understandably bittersweet experience, and one that it took the best part of two years from which to recover.

For a time, in fact, she could not even entertain the idea of playing international hockey again.

Now, as the clock ticks towards selection for Paris 2024, Costello is back and ready to give it everything to avoid a similar disappointment.

She recalls: “Before Tokyo, I was still quite young. I was very much a fringe player, picked for some games and not for others. I was thinking that it wouldn’t be my year so I aimed for the 17-18 spot (travelling reserve) which I was successful in getting. I almost felt a sense of pride in getting that spot.

But after the summer, I thought maybe I held back a bit, maybe I was settling for second place. The disappointment hit me a lot harder afterwards with some regrets around that time. What if?

“It was very challenging. I was very proud to be part of the team that won bronze but the three of us (reserves), Sarah Evans, Sabbie Heesh and myself stood on the sidelines behind the barrier watching the medal ceremony which isn’t a very nice position to be in.

“Afterwards, my mental health really struggled and I burned out. I couldn’t even have thought about picking up another stick and I never thought I’d play another international game.”

Immediately after Tokyo, Costello headed out to Germany to play for Hamburg, an experience that she enjoyed, even if the timing was far from ideal.

She remained there for half a season before coming home, and while she continued to play at club level, her heart really was not in the sport.

“It took I would say almost two years,” she replies when asked how long it took to rediscover her love for the sport.

“I came back from Germany and did a little bit of training but it was more that I didn’t want to be dropped, I still wanted my funding, that side of things. I didn’t particularly want to be there.

“I went back to Scotland because we had the Commonwealth Games that summer and spoke to our coach. I said this is how I’m feeling. He said he just wanted to get me back enjoying it, I didn’t need to be at my best. I really enjoyed that summer, it took a long, hard few months of work to get back to the point of kind of enjoying it.”

The Commonwealth Games was effectively a home tournament for Costello, playing on the University of Birmingham pitches where she had studied previously.

After helping Scotland to sixth place in Birmingham, Costello then returned to the GB set-up for the first time since the Olympics later in 2022.

That was a big moment in her path back to the top.

“We went to Argentina and the first game we played was my 100th combined cap,” she recalled.

“I said to one of my friends that this is the cap I’m most proud of because it epitomised coming from quite a dark place and back into international hockey. I found my feet again probably since June of last year. The confidence of playing and backing myself again in international hockey. I feel like I can put myself in a good spot for the summer.”

That tour of Argentina marked Costello’s first GB appearance since the final day before selection for Tokyo, but the challenge remained of how she could translate her form for Scotland into a GB jersey.

It has been a mental barrier, but one she believes that she finally started to overcome last September.

She explained: “I often had the comparison of how can we help you to play like you play for Scotland in a GB shirt and have that same, almost carefree confidence and air of almost an ego on the pitch and the fire in your belly that you have with Scotland?

“I never really understood what the difference was. Going to the Euros in Monchengladbach (with Scotland) last summer, I knew they would be asking the question after. Playing in the tournament, I was thinking what is it that I feel, how am I stepping on the pitch? Essentially, it was all down to me. I was portraying an environment that was changing when I actually I could step on the pitch and do what I can do. The GB coaches weren’t asking anything more of me or to do any different skills. It was all down to me. I just needed to do it there.”

Having understood that, Costello has grown into a bigger role with GB, who booked their place in Paris by winning a winner-takes-all clash with Ireland at the final qualifier in January.

She readily admits that match was the most nervous she has ever been in her life, knowing exactly what was at stake.

She said: “I’m not going to lie, that was probably the most pressure I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Not that any of us discussed how nervous we were beforehand. Afterwards we did though! The nerves settled once we got on the pitch, we were there to do a job, we were very focused. So having an understanding of how to deal with that pressure can definitely help for any other aspect of whether it is hockey or life in general.

“We sat down beforehand and discussed what does it mean if it doesn’t go our way? What if we don’t qualify? It was not a very nice conversation to have, funding might go, the future of the programme etc. We had discussed everything. Having touched on that, we then focused on what the opportunity was, looking at more of an opportunist mindset than a prudent mindset. That is how we went about it.”

Costello is one of over 1,000 elite athletes on UK Sport’s National Lottery-funded World Class Programme, allowing her to train full-time, have access to the world’s best coaches and benefit from pioneering medical support.

GB won 2-1 and now the selection process is about to enter the most crucial period. An initial group of 24 will be named for eight Pro League matches that begin next month, with the final selection of 16 and three travelling reserves to be named in June.

After her Tokyo disappointment, Costello is adamant that she will hold nothing back for Paris.

“This time around, it’s foot to the floor, go for it and aim to be in the 16,” she added.

“Ultimately, if I’m not, I’ve given every inch of what I have and there are no regrets and no what ifs. That is what I learned from last time.”

Should she make it, Costello will hope to extend Team GB’s legacy in the sport with the women’s hockey team having made the podium at each of the last three Games.

Bronze in Tokyo followed the iconic gold won in Rio. But for Costello, it was the bronze medal won at London 2012 that truly sparked her ambition.

“I went to watch the London 2012 Olympics,” said the defender.

“We went and watched the hockey. That was probably my first experience of the Olympics. I remember after that, Emily Maguire and Laura Bartlett came back with a bronze medal. They were the two Scottish girls who played in the London team. I was part of an East District Under-14 tournament and they came and showed us their medals.

“We thought ‘Wow, Scottish players can go to the Olympics’ because it seems so far away when you’re up here and everything is going on down there. I didn’t really know the centralised, full-time programme existed. I didn’t know until my final year of school when they had an Under-23 GB tournament.

“They said you’ll get a trial and I thought a trial for what? When they came back with the medals, I thought, it is really possible. I always loved playing hockey and wanted to succeed, I was competitive and always wanted to be the best in fitness and skills. I really wanted to do that but I didn’t know how.

When they came back, I realised Scottish players can do this, even if it was just a couple of them. I wanted to be one of them.”

Three years ago, Costello came as close as possible to being an Olympian. She is now on the final stretch to ensure that dream is realised in Paris.

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