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People Are Sharing The Exact Moment They Knew Their Friendship Was Over With Their Best Friend
Whether a friend has been in your life for a year or 30 years, it's always difficult to end a friendship, but sometimes it is necessary. Recently, members of the BuzzFeed Community shared their experiences with ending a friendship. Here is what some had to say:
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."My best friend and I had been best friends since university. We met at a mutual friend's wedding and just bonded, became inseparable, hung out, and had fun. We were always there for each other during breakups and other major life milestones and events. When she needed a place to stay, my parents invited her to move in, and she did for months. After she moved out, my mom still cooked things she liked and sent them to her. But it was always about her, everything. It got to the point that I stopped sharing things about my life because even when I did, it always ended up being about her."
"When she got married, things started to change. I didn't like her husband very much because she would always tell me how badly he treated her, so being a best friend, I started to dislike this man who hurt my BFF. When her mother died, I took time off work and paid for a flight I couldn't afford so that I could be there with her. Then she told me she wanted to be left alone to process her feelings, so I did that. I would still check up on her once in a while to see if she was ok. Then, almost a year later, I told her I was coming to the city she was living in with her husband for four days and would love to meet.
She made plans and canceled, then said her husband was sick (he had the flu), so I said, 'Oh sure, I hope he gets well soon.' I don't know what I said was wrong because she blew up and started saying that I was being sarcastic and that she was done with me (keep in mind she was the one who always had issues and picked fights and also kept going to and leaving therapy). So I didn't stop her. I thought I had been through enough toxicity for 15 years with her that I guess I was over it, too. Since then, we have texted each other two times for our birthdays, which was last year. Don't think I'll text her this year, and I don't expect her to text me either."
2."I had the same best friend from the age of 2 to 19. We were INSEPARABLE. People thought we were sisters because we even grew to look alike. We went through everything together. Then she got this absolute loser of a boyfriend who sold weed. I knew he did because he sold to my housemate on many occasions. This wasn't his only red flag — he was a walking red flag — a real loser. So I gently told her. She called me a liar and believed his BS over me. She believed this loser she had known for a few months over me, her best friend since forever. That day, I walked away and never went back. She's tried several times to reconcile since then, but that bond is too broken for me to continue. She's still with him too, and he's still a loser."
3."My best friend of 40 years had an affair with a co-worker. Apparently, every time she would lie and see him, she told her husband she would see me (we live about an hour apart). I never knew any of this. So when her husband found out, he was pissed at me too."
"Instead of telling him the truth that I had nothing to do with it. She tried to spin it in her favor. She never called to apologize. Instead, she sent a note tucked into a sympathy card she sent when my dad died. That was it for me."
4."My friend had two unplanned pregnancies back to back with a bad boyfriend turned fiancée. All the while, she brushed off my three-year struggles with infertility. I finally got pregnant right around the time of her wedding. I couldn't keep up with the financial obligations of being a bridesmaid (bridal shower, bachelorette party, a bridesmaid dress, hotel room at the venue, etc.) I told her I couldn't be in her wedding, but I could attend as a guest, and she told me I should have planned my pregnancy better. She went off the rails after that by calling my mom and telling her I was going to harm myself because I was depressed (I wasn't), body-shaming me and my husband, and calling me a selfish two-faced bitch. I blocked her on all fronts. My only regret was that I didn't end it sooner."
5."I had a friend for 20+ years that I had to divorce. She got super into conspiracy theories to the point of being aggressive to others who didn’t believe the way she did or if we didn’t want to talk about freaking big pharma every single conversation. I tolerated it for a long time until I couldn’t tolerate it anymore."
6."My best friend — inseparable, bonded by laughter and trauma — met me in the park and presented me with a Google Doc list of complaints about me."
7."My breaking point was when I realized how extremely attached she was to me, not in a BFF way but in a codependent way, and would demand my attention at all times. If I were late for something (I'm a married mom), she would make me feel so bad that I’ve cried multiple times over it. I think what set it in was when I found out my dad’s terminal illness had escalated. Her response was to not even look up from her phone but say, 'Ugh, I wish mine would die,' and then cry incessantly that a guy she’d been sleeping with for a few weeks was moving away and didn’t profess his love for her like she thought he would. I had to stop talking to her a few months ago for my mental health, and it’s honestly been nice, and I hope she gets the support she needs that I don’t think anyone can provide."
8."I uninvited my two best friends to my wedding (as maids of honor too) after my mother shared a Facebook message conversation with them and another friend that threw a surprise bridal shower for me. My now husband had been telling me for months that they were bad friends, but I didn’t want to let ten years of history go. It was the toughest thing I did, but I didn’t want their toxicity to ruin my special day. They never responded, never apologized, and never reached out. Hardest but best thing I could do for myself."
9."I told my best friend from kindergarten that my grandmother passed away, and she sent a sad face emoji. That was it. Not even an 'I’m sorry' to go along with it."
10."We are in our 30s now. We had been friends or at least knew each other since first grade. We were the closest in high school. There were always subtle put-downs and being asked these devil's advocate questions regarding issues about my values/worldview, to which I felt she already knew me well enough to know how I would respond. I thought it wasn't ever coming from a place of genuine curiosity — rather more antagonistic. I'm not a fighter, so I let things slide and harbored resentment. The other day, I told her we should take a break after a very small issue, but I feel bad because I never verbalized my feelings in the past about how she has made me feel. So now it might just appear that I'm overreacting. I just feel like I can't put up with it anymore."
11."I parted ways with a friend I’d known since we were in grade school. We did everything together, but she had some real anger management issues and was very vindictive and vengeful. As I got into my late 20s, I realized how much it dictated my mood as well as my relationships with my other friends. They later told me they only 'tolerated' her because they didn’t want to lose or upset me. When this ex-friend got engaged, she asked me to be in her wedding party. Not long after, my fiancé got very sick, and I had to cancel a double date we had scheduled."
"We rescheduled, and then I ended up having to cancel AGAIN because my fiancé was in and out of the emergency room four weekends in a row. Finally, she sent me a text telling me she didn’t think I was being a good bridesmaid and that I wasn’t giving her wedding (or her) the attention she expected — you know, because I was too busy worrying if my now-husband was going to live or die.
Her message sent me into a tizzy because I couldn’t understand how someone could be so self-centered. I told her I was done with our friendship. She begged me to stay in the wedding party (because the only other person she had was her sister). I told her I’d only be there physically. I haven’t seen or talked to her since her wedding in 2015. However, several months later, she showed up at my engagement party uninvited. Crazy."
12."This is about my BFF and I of almost 20 years. I flew a few thousand miles to be with her for her birthday after we both moved to different cities, and it was supposed to be a joint birthday celebration because my birthday was a couple of weeks later. We went to Disneyland, the spa, multiple dinners, brunch, etc., over multiple days. I have a degenerative condition, and it started to show but didn't derail our plans that much."
"The last night and morning, she was really mean to me, my partner, and her own partner. She threw a tantrum and wouldn't leave her room. Refused to say why. I've repeated constantly throughout our friendship that my #1 thing was just being upfront and honest, so I assumed it was related to other stresses. Four days later, she said it was because I didn't make her birthday 'special enough' and refused to talk with me or explain. Then she got mad at me for being upset that my spending thousands of dollars and taking time off of work wasn't enough for her."
13."This hits home for me right now. My best friend of 10 years stopped talking to me because their bf (my flatmate, who I set them up with) told me to move out because I have depression. He told me I was bringing his mood down by being sad (alone in my room, not even in shared spaces). This is after a long period of depression brought on by a traumatic experience he knew about. While I was going through this, he did not even ask if I was okay or check up on me. My best friend told me they would always be there for me, and a couple of weeks later, they dropped off the face of the earth with no contact. Meanwhile, the flatmate has been lying about me to everyone he can and participating in online harassment directed at me. Who needs enemies with friends like that? The best part is my best friend has depression too, and if they and their bf ever move in together, I’m certain that a bad breakup will follow. All I have to say is best of luck!"
14."My best friend of 20 years got married in 2022. I just now found out. When confronted, she said she thought she told me. She then let me know she was getting a divorce, and I was abandoning her like everyone else. I'm not sure what she expected when she never reached out or wanted to hang out. It's always me trying to talk or see her. It's been like this for years."
Did you ever have an experience ending a friendship? If so, share your story with me in the comments below.
